Friday, March 20, 2015

Current Culture: Narcissism Unmasked

Read my past posts and you know I hate Facebook. All Facebook is doing is cultivating even more narcissism in our culture--and Zuckerberg is a genius for tapping into it. He understands the primitive nature of the human species and now he is a bazillionaire. Too bad all his creation does is make it worse but he doesn't care because he is part of the whole primitive element. He got into it for himself to begin with.

But this post is about generational narcissism that pre-dated Facebook, maybe even led to its creation. This post is about if Boomer generation people can be real friends.

Per past posts, I also hold the Boomer generation in disdain.  I am not a Boomer, barely missing it by a few years, but my siblings are Boomers. They tend to be very self-absorbed and self-centered. As soon as any topic has its nerve to sway off them, they are done with the conversation. I should be used to them by now but I am not. Now my way of dealing with them is simple avoidance.

But can you avoid your friends that are narcissistic and yes, you are saying, "hell, you just said you avoid your narcissistic siblings. Of course you can avoid your narcissistic friends!"

Exactly. It's not as simple and I don't know why.

Through no fault of my own, most of my friends are Boomer age and I am now coming to very painful terms that NONE of them will ever be the kind of friends I need and deserve, because like a vein of some kind of element running through rock, the vein of narcissism runs through the entire Baby Boomer generation. It is just who they are and criticizing, demanding, withholding...however you want to deal with them, is not going to work. You either accept them for who/what they are or end your relationship with them. The past year, I have opted for the later. I just nixed my third friendship or not, with another narcissistic "friend".  I may be a bit physically lonelier, because at least there is another body next to you at a movie even if they are closed off to you emotionally, but overall, I am doing better. But how long can this go on? How many more friends will I nix out of my life because they don't meet my needs? Is this narcissistic on my part?

No because my needs are simple. All I have ever wanted from one of these former friends is for one of them to ask, genuinely, "how was your day today?"  "What's happening in your life?"  "How are you?"  But none of them ever do, did. I realized I could have been dead in my house for weeks and none of them would have cared, called. They got in touch with me on their terms, based on their needs. I filled a void for them. Validated their existence. Listened to them prattle on with nary a concern for me.

And now I am done.

The last "friendship" I nixed a few days ago, unexpectedly. Maybe because I was tired. Maybe because I was jealous.

Her husband died and left her a bunch of money. She is now rich and I am definitely NOT.

Per narcissistic behavior, her glee over all the money Michael left her overpowered her grief but who am I to judge if someone is "really" grieving or not? All I know is about a month after his death, she regaled me with her plans to travel around the world, blathered on about her new "spiritual awakening" that included a $2500 "spiritual retreat", and mentioned a bunch of new things she bought off the web. At one point she even said, "Thank You Michael!" leaving me in an abyss of confusion--"you just thanked your dead husband for dying?"  What?  Lordy, lordy but losing a husband sounds like a great time! 

In the middle of our conversation while she was awash in her postmortem bliss, I blurted out, "you know, my dog got away this morning and almost got hit by a car."  Silence.  "Glad you got him back," was her reply.  "What if I didn't get him back. How do you know if I got him back?"  "Well, I just assumed you did."  Silence. Then she picked up right where she left off---about some god damned new pillow.  Really?

I hung up on her.  She didn't call back. If she does, I will hang up on her again. I will do whatever it takes.

Then again, she is a Boomer and a narcissist and the thing about narcissists is they just don't get it. They never will. This is what makes dealing with them so exasperating. This is why you just have to nix them out of your life. You can't wait for them to come to some epiphany, apologize, be contrite. It's not in them. Why can't I get this? But now I am.

But wait--it gets worse!

Right after this, I watched a program on television--National Geographic--Brain Games. It was a show about the cultivation of compassion. If the human species is to survive, and really why should it if it continues to be as narcissistic and stupid as it currently is, it will come down to if the human species can cultivate more compassion.  What was so depressing is they did a research study and what they found, I guess not surprisingly, is if people do not feel like they can get something out of you to benefit THEM, they are not inclined to build a relationship, say with you, or me. In other words, apparently we are all a bunch of selfish fucks.

And I am idiot I guess for thinking if I wait long enough, look long enough, am deliberate long enough, I WILL find the one person left on the planet who may actually like me for me. The one person left on the planet who isn't in it for themselves, at least not 100%.  A true friend.

In the meantime, I do have true friends I love so much and they love me back unconditionally---my dogs.

1 comment:

  1. Online dating is all about getting to know people at a deeper level and being able to make the right proactive choices. Are you ready for Online dating Visit Online Dating sites news! It is a no 1 news site, find the latest trends and dating tips like how to find your partner in online.

    ReplyDelete