Thursday, April 4, 2013

Are You Happy Being Middle-Aged and Alone and Just Can't Admit it to Yourself?

The real name of this post  is "I Wish My Wife Would Let Me Watch That."

If you are new to this blog, I apologize because it started out as views of being
1. white in America
2. dating other white men in America

but race does not really matter to me in terms of who I date...except I still adhere to my hypothesis that there is something in the genetics of  white people from European stock (WASPS) that makes us obsessive compulsive or compelled to be controlling. I bet if some researcher looked-up the stats of psychological disorders by race, white people would have the highest levels of obsessive-compulsive/control disorders. I then tie this into the history of the Western European white race (past 500 years) and colonialism. In other words, white people's history of taking over "inferior" races, of bulldozing land, of wiping out anything that gets in their way, love of guns and control, etc. Are we just assholes (more the white male I am talking about here) or predisposed to being assholes? If OCD/control issues are genetic in the white race, then this explains SOME of it and by no means provides an excuse but whenever I see some mostly fat white guy on his mower on his lawn, then standing with a backpack sprayer of chemicals on his lawn, then working over the shrubs with lopers and pruning shears on his lawn, I just cannot help but wonder-- WTF? Multiply this behavior by thousands...This fat white guy HAS to control even the plants on this lawn to the point that he dumps poison all over it...

And on this note is a recent dinner I attended for work made up entirely of white men of different ages. My profession is one dominated by white people and mostly white males. We were coming back from a day in the field and stopped for dinner. All of these men are married. I was, once again, the only one at the table that is not married and once again, out of place. Still, it always entertaining if not enlightening to observe my own species especially a bunch of white males.

The conversation was fascinating. Guns and hunting. The Bible. Then, television. I got cable television not too long ago when the cable company wore me down by talking me into "bundling"...I caved. I cannot believe it but I was actually able to talk television with these guys. I watch television now. I even came out of the closet about it with them. I kind of ended-up yelling it out--"Yea, I Watch Television Now. Can Ya' Believe it?"
None of them knew how to respond and stared at me. Once I got through this, we talked about our favorite shows and of course, I am a nerd so I love the Big Bang Theory. One of the guys at the table then said,
"I wish my wife would let me watch that." He is a "Christian". You see my point (yes I am finally getting to one).

TYPE OF MAN REFERENCE (see my reference guide to types of men I have dated in previous post): BABY MEN

My point is--damn I am so glad I am not married. What a bunch of SHIT!  What is it with the couples I know who dictate behavior to their spouses? I cannot begin to list the number of ex-girlfriends I have had who "had to ask their husbands" if we could do something then their husbands, all of which hate my guts, say no. "Albert wants to go," says my friend B when they drive 8 hours to visit me but "King Albert" is "uncomfortable" (because they know I see through their shit) and "wants to leave." Ya know what? If my husband/boyfriend was "uncomfortable" around one of my dear girlfriends, I would tell him to get lost and find something else to do. Really? You're uncomfortable? Well, shove this up your ass (wine bottle) then see how "uncomfortable" you are, you big baby!! What is this?

I cannot stay friends with any of my girlfriends who have to answer to their weanie ass insecure baby men husbands. BUT, I never thought about it in the other direction--namely, men who are cow-towed by their women-- I never thought about this until the man at the table actually told us and the other men at the table that his wife will not "let" him watch certain television shows. It makes me shudder to think about it. Fascist Marriages.

I have been in four significant relationships in my life, the longest was five years and NOT once did I tell or even think to tell my partner what he could watch on television (but then again, we didn't have one), how to dress, where to go...(o.k. I did tell a couple of them where to go, right before we broke up) and yes, when "Eric" would go out with his female friend I had to acknowledge it made me feel weird but then again, they had known one another 20 years. Who in the hell was I to diss this kind of relationship? (And they never did anything anyway; she was married).

So after all this, I wonder if I even WANT to be in a relationship anymore. Could I stand anyone micromanaging my life even down to what I watch on television?  Ugh. Never. I think I love being single but I still wonder what it is that makes me breakdown and post yet another profile on another online dating site. What is it? What is it that stands between me in reality (relatively happy) and that nagging voice that says to me, "you have to find someone and soon! You're getting old!"  I have noticed a direct correlation between my contentedness and how long I have been single and they are positively correlated!  Does the little nagging voice come from society? Television talk shows? Commercials? My friends? Is it none of these because it is coming from me? Is it something evolution-related? So I have someone to take care of me but then again, most men are lazy and the last thing they want to do is take care of you when you get old....you are supposed to take care of THEM when they get old, remember?

Ah yes, the little nagging voice that reminds me I am still single and "should find someone." Am I just afraid to let it go? Why am I afraid to strangle that little voice? I don't know. Yet.


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