NEWS FLASH NEWS FLASH!!!!!!! The end of the era of narcissism is coming to an end, THANK GOD!! OCCUPY A BABY BOOMER!!!
I know, you were hoping for a post about middle aged white women dating and I did this already. See previous posts. Nothing's changed. Sorry.
This post takes possibly too brutal of a look at the baby boomer generation but after years of observations, I cannot help but make a few on this generation.
BUT FIRST--my friend.
I have a friend who I will call Mary who I have been friends with for a few years now. There is a ten year different between Mary and I. Mary is a baby boomer while I am barely NOT. It has been fascinating to watch Mary go through what I can only call extremely painful cultural change because Mary is from the Baby Boomer Generation (now officially named with capital letters). In my opinion, only, but based on at least on anecdotal evidence, people from the Baby Boomer generation are the most self-absorbed, selfish, and materialistic humans the planet has ever seen. Science does back me up on this one since it has been shown that no generation in the history of the planet has consumed the vast resources that this ONE generation of humans has. In the HISTORY OF THE PLANET!! Despite all their "love and peace" crap, in the end, the love and peace they were "protesting" for was their own!! How could the hippie generation possibly then give us George Bush Jr and the Hummer? Do I really need to say more to prove this point? For a great generic example of the typical Baby Boomer, check out the television show "Community" and the character that Chevy Chase plays--a narcissistic pathetic self-absorbed loser named "Pierce." I don't know if they created this character to be the epitome of the Baby Boomer generation but in my experience, he is, in fact, the epitome of the entire generation and I have had the dubious opportunity of watching a Baby Boomer LIKE this try to shake it off and it ain't pretty!
Back to my friend "Mary." Mary was your classic hippie in the 60's. Of course, photos of themselves are up all over their house (of course) showing them in their bell bottoms (no offense to bell bottoms; they're cool) and peasant blouses, attending concerts (you know which ones), hanging out at Haight and Ashbury, blah blah and blah. All the photos you would expect self-absorbed Baby Boomers to have up in their geodesic dome house (no kidding but it is a cool house). Their entire lives have been about one and only one thing--STUFF. Really nice fucking stuff. Stuff in their house. Stuff in their garage. Stuff in their attic. Stuff in their storage shed in the yard. STUFF STUFF STUFF. This has been the focus of their entire lives. CONSUMPTION whenever they want to for whatever reason they want it. No questions asked. One sibling of theirs, also a Baby Boomer, has a thing for hiking boots apparently and once ordered five different pairs and when he did not like them, he took them all, still practically brand new, to the DUMP. Yes, he threw them away. So these are the kind of folks we are talking about. People so self-absorbed and obsessed with gratification, they would throw perfectly good new things away. The thought of taking them to a thrift store or god forbid, a homeless shelter, never ever enters their minds. They are not capable of comprehending that there are OTHER people in the world, let alone people in need. They lack empathy. This is why they are dangerous and scary. Then they enter politics and this is terrifying but I diverge...
So, back to Mary. Mary and I love to walk and hike together but after that, we treat one another like we are from different planets. Aside from the fact that Mary and I like to do the same things outdoors, I have little idea why we are friends. We are very different. I am from the "ecology" era of the 70's. Years ago, Mary used to chuckle about my recycling nearly everything. She would smirk at my washed plastic bags. When I would tell her something about the planet--one of the many planet's illnesses due to us, she would tell me I was just "being negative." The other thing the Baby Boomer generation did is codify their narcissism through something they call(ed) the "New Age Movement" which is basically anti-intellectual and anti-critical thinking. If anyone dares to have a REAL conversation or engage in something intellectual, they immediately shame the shit out of you that you are being "negative." They are apparently too stupid to realize that intellectual conversation is not the same thing as "being negative" but their little worlds are so fragile that they have shove anyone and anything out of their worlds that might be real--pathologically so.
So of course, when I would try to talk to Mary about the plight of our beat up planet, I was "just being negative." When I would talk about uncontrollable corporate power and our Supreme Court, I was "just being negative." When I would have the audacity to suggest she call her legislator or our county council members or do ANYthing for ANYone besides herself and her husband, I could see her eyes almost roll back into her head and she went into, almost, some kind of convulsion. The idea that she would spend ANY time on the poor, democracy, the environment (that she loves so much) was so beyond her frame of reference, I once thought she was going to have some kind of seizure. And of course, everything I said was amusing. Simply amusing. It was tough for me to handle.
So, they had lots and lots of money. Lots and lots of material crap. On and one they lived (?) their lives until one day, I don't know, let's say about 2008, the shit hit the fan as we all know and it has kept hitting the fan ever since. They went from the 1% to the 99% without even realizing it and I am now getting to watch them coming to grips with this as they realize, all the things I have been saying for years are NOW COMING TRUE. Cultural paroxysms!! I am now watching my friend Mary going through them. It is fascinating. Once oblivious to the news, any news, because she was her own news, she is now picking up little tidbits of information--things like Occupy Wall Street, 99%er's, getting screwed over by unbridled corporate power (which happened to them), air quality where we live which can be bad and keeps her indoors...in other words, I am watching the exoskeleton of narcissism on my Baby Boomer friends, start to crack. Yes, it is cracking. And it is painful for my friends because they can no longer run out and BUY something. They don't have the money anymore. This has left them almost incapacitated for they knew no other way to to be an American. America is about one and only one thing by the way--materialism. It is not about "democracy" and "liberty" and "freedom" only in the sense that you can make a democratic choice with liberty and freedom what crap you buy at Walmart. There is freedom here. Other than that, we don't stand for much.
So you can imagine how narcissistic new age materialistic baby boomers are coping these days surrounded by a younger generation that is pissed off and gets it. The younger generation is not about accumulating massive amounts of crap. The younger generation has the audacity to bring up GLOBAL issues--one village stuff. Things like climate change, population growth, compassion for others, the poor (GAG. NOT THE POOR!! Do those people EVER go away?). The Baby Boomer generation is now surrounded by people DIFFERENT from them when they were so used to be "special" and the "role models" for the rest of us and now we are leaving them behind. Like the grown babies they are, they cannot take it. They are lost. They are confused.
They hunker down in front of their big flat-screen television sets with their boxed wine and watch porno taking breaks to check on their stock portfolios or what is left of them. This is what they do now. This is who they are. In the end, all the Baby Boomer generation did was consume the hell out of our planet and left the rest of us to clean it up. They ended up being weak and selfish except maybe one, or two, or three...One of them, my friend Mary, is slowly but definitely "getting it."
I have been eating whole wheat bread since I was 12 when I came home and told my parents about a disgusting chemistry experiment in which we took white bread, rolled it up into little balls, then dropped them into test tubes and even after one week, the HCL we added to the test tube (simulating the acid in a human stomach) could not penetrate the "bread" balls. This so grossed out my parents that we switched over to wheat bread immediately. Also, my mother was an amazing woman who in addition to raising three kids and working fulltime, regularly made whole wheat bread from scratch (and no, bread makers did not exist then). Anyhoo, Mary just discovered whole wheat bread. She is completely enamored with it but of course, assumes she is the first and only person to discover the benefits of whole wheat bread. She has been telling me about all the different kinds. Since I figured this out over 35 years ago, I just listen, incredulous. She is reading the news now or at least listening to NPR which is something. She is supporting the 99%er's on Wall Street and around the world. She told me she is concerned about climate change. She is taking her own bags to the grocery store. And how damn ironic. How damn ironic that all the things we THOUGHT the hippies stood for then, my generation and younger are having to TEACH them these things when they were supposed to be teaching US. It's bullshit but...
So while Mary's pathetic husband stays home and watches porno everyday with his t.v. and wine and computer, Mary is quietly but painfully breaking out. Breaking out of the curse of her generation. Breaking out of her shitty marriage, and hopefully breaking into a vision of our planet that is about something more than herself. We'll see. The jury is still out. I am right now 'occupying a Baby Boomer'. I'll let you know how it goes. Go find one to occupy. Stay tuned.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Types of White Men I Have Met Online Dating
Ok. So what does making vast general inferences about the entire white race have to do with my experiences online dating white men? Well, it means I cannot entirely blame them for who they seem to be. There is a societal element to everything anyway. Or, as I said in the previous post, whites are just uptight anyway. To see my point, check out Dave Chapelle's show sometime when he parodies the white male or even worse, the white male yuppie and he is right on. These are the guys I have been meeting. What's wrong with these people?
So, continuing down my supremely simplistic history of the white race, at least in America, since the white race then dominated the culture for, I will say, around 500 years, this is the culture all the other cultures are expected to emulate and in most cases, by force. (Read Overthrow by Kinzer and you will understand the history of why this is true and for Native American history, oh my God...). Only now, we are at a point in history where other races and cultures are saying, "hey man, I don't want to emulate the whites. We have our own culture. Why should we fold in with yours anyway not to mention it's really f-ing boring and your culture is killing the planet?" So now there is a backlash forming against white culture and "ye old paradigms" but for the most part, whites are still in charge and while they are in charge, 'taint gonna be any paradigm crashes around here! But the cataclysms (figuratively speaking only I hope) are forming. Something better has to replace what is going on anyway or the entire human race will go extinct. Not that I necessarily think this is a bad thing. The planet would not mind.
Ok Ok. So what in the hell does this have to do with my online dating experiences as a white middle-aged woman? Compassion. I try to have compassion for these men based on that it may not all be their fault but it's really hard to do.
On to the categorization of white men I have dated and see how we are? I am categorizing them. Can't help it. It's in my genes.
Here are my tentative categories of men I have met online, all white. Also be advised that these can intergrade with one another.
1. AWWD Men: Any Woman Will Do Men
These are men who just cannot be alone. They have to have a woman all the time.
Almost all the men I have met who are AWWD have been married 2 times or more. If you meet a man that has been married at least 3 times and is looking for a 4th, he may be a AWWD man. Another term used to describe them is "serial monogamist." The honest to God truth is AWWD men could not give a shit about you--how "unique" you are, your interests, your desires, etc. They go on looks a lot of the time and as long as they have a girlfriend, they really don't care what she is about. In fact, their ideal woman is the one that doesn't talk. If you are with a AWWD man, you find yourself very lonely even when you are with him.
Yes, AWWD men CAN in time develop an interest in you but it may be just to facilitate their own self-interest. They 'contaminate' everything they touch with their own self-interest. So, let's say you love to read and jog. They will disdain your love of reading or ignore it but if they jog, will definitely join you. You see, if facilitates their own SELFish interests. Theoretically at least, all people can come around over time but don't expect him to be deeply interested in you, ever.
2. Men That Just Want to Date Themselves
These appear to be the most common type of men I have dated. I am not kidding either. They are really looking for a woman who is exactly like they are. (Yes AWWD men can be this category too). These men are pretty easy to spot. True stories: the guy I dated whose dream it was to find a woman to play golf with him. All I said to him is "I used to play some golf" and immediately he launched into a fantasy about how he had "finally" found a woman to play golf with and where we would go, etc. It was all fine and dandy except I did not want to do this. It did not matter. He thought he finally found himself to date. Other examples are the guy that fixes up old cars and wants to find a woman who will help him fix up old cars. The guy that fishes and wants to find the woman who will love fishing as much as he does. The guy that is into Chinese art and is looking for the woman to pursue this interest with him. You get the picture (or painting). The point is these men will not be interested in you. They will be interested only in that you will evolve into little female renditions of themselves. These men are also the kind that don't understand why they are still alone.
3. "I Have a Fantasy Girl in My Head I am Already in Love With. Please Be This Girl?"
Again, this can be the above category. The girl in their head they are in love with, is the female rendition of themselves. But there are also the men who have an idea of the woman they want and have already fallen for her. I cannot blame these men because online dating lends itself to the "checklist" mentality anyway. The entire process is a checklist of things you do want and don't want, like you are ordering an item from a catalog! It's the same thing only with human beings. So you cannot blame men and women for approaching a new potential partner by checking off the list in their heads as they meet you. I know this is true because one man I met said to me "you're almost what I want." ALMOST?? God. Was it my hair? My teeth? My eyes? My ass? Ridiculous. Nonetheless, online dating is a checklist and your potential partner will no doubt be quietly going down his list when he meets you. Product love. You are a product. He is a product. Let the two products meet, evaluate one another, and make new products. Crazy.
Because of my physical characteristics, even at my age, I get past the initial checklist quickly. I am blonde (or trying to be as the gray comes in), blue eyed, somewhat petite; so right off the bat, I can tell these men have filled in their checklist for me regarding my appearance. I really liked the guy I met who told me he "usually prefers brunettes but thought he would give a blonde (me) a shot." A shot? Again, what am I, a different color hat?
I do not waste my time on these men. One of two things happens: they will try like crazy to cram you into their script they have already written for you or decide to "make concessions" while still looking for their "perfect" woman. This means while he is dating you, he is still emailing other women online in his incessant and sad quest to find his perfect/fantasy women that does not exist.
4. Narcissists
For God sakes. This is our entire culture. Our whole economic system is built on
promoting narcissism. It fuels capitalism. So this is where "societal pressure" comes in big time-- you give the monkey access to the toys and he will play with them and after all, we are still unevolved monkeys. Still operating off the brain stem=primitive brain. So I cannot totally blame narcissistic men for being this way. Nonetheless. if you meet what appears to be a pathological narcissist, run. Run far far away and quickly. There is even a name for when it gets really bad--Narcissistic Personality Disorder. In short, these men are in love with themselves even beyond men looking to date themselves. Your job is to worship them and prop their lame asses up at your expense. These men will leach you to the bone if you let them. They may also be passive aggressive and screw with your head a lot. There is no hope here. Just get away.
5. Men That Haven't Got a Clue
This follows narcissistic men for a reason. N.M. and MTHGaC can be the same thing.
But there is also definitely the men that just do not get it about women and maybe they never will. I haven't totally figured these guys out. Do they have early Alzheimers? Are they just dumb? Lazy? Are they just not that into me? These are the men you tell something to over and over and they still do not get it. In fact, you could rent the blimp with the words on the side of it and fly it right in front of them and you're lucky if they even notice THE BLIMP!!
Examples:
Nitwit: where have you been?
Woman: I went out of town for work, remember? I told you? Maybe more than once?
Nitwit: Oh. You're back now?
Woman: Yes. (Gosh, he's a real rocket scientist!)
Uhm....
Nitwit: Well, where did you go?
Woman" San Francisco? Remember, I told you?
Nitwit: Oh. Yea. Well...Did you have a good time?
Woman: A good time? It was work. I guess I had a good time but I was there to work.
Nitwit: Oh. Did the work go alright?
Smart Woman: You know what? I have to go now. BYE!
Or the guy who I dated for awhile who walked through my garage a few times where he went past my skis, all kinds of them. When I told him I was going skiing, he acted surprised. HELLO? ANYONE IN THERE? The guy that after my telling him I really love a coffee mug he is using because it was from a good friend then takes it outside and into his car. We are taking a day trip. It is our first date. He acts surprised when I ask him to please not take my favorite coffee mug into his car because I do not want it to get broken, etc. I ask him to please put it back into the house. He has no interest at all in why I like the coffee mug or who the friend is.
TOO MANY MORE EXAMPLES!!! MUST STOP HERE!
6. Baby Men
These are men looking for a woman to take care of them--clean, fix dinner, pick out their clothes. Basically Baby Men want their mommies. Examples of my experience with Baby Men are they whine. Like the guy I went skiing with. I wanted to go ahead to the lodge and go to the bathroom but he almost screamed, "I don't know where to go. I don't know where to go. Wait for me." Jesus Christ. Grow the fuck up dude. I am just going to the bathroom and if you look to your right, there is a big big building that says SKI LODGE on it. You can find it. Baby Men are the MOST annoying for me. They have to be everywhere you are. They have little concept of personal space and they cannot make decisions. They also cannot fix anything or suddenly you find yourself fixing something they started. I have no respect for Baby Men. None.
They disgust me. Then again, I want what I will never find--a real man who does not
recognize gender-defined roles and can make me dinner while I clean the garage or vice versa. We just work together and gender has little to do with it.
7. Day Planner Men
I probably do not need to expound on this type too much. Basically, he is incredibly busy either with his business or job (his REAL girlfriend is his job and you are the other woman). To even plan to go to a movie with this guy is ridiculous. He may have 4 kids from 2 different wives. One of his ex wives is calling him or his kids or his employees...and you are often relegated to waiting around while he checks his email. He has to schedule you in to do just about anything. These men do not understand that in order to have a fulfilling relationship, you have to make SACRIFICES in your life, including your time. So they hope they can slip you in between racket ball and their son's soccer match but they can't because it is impossible. I won't date Day Planner Guys unless they get it--I am a terrific woman and if you want to see me, make the time and don't make me feel like shit either because you did.
8. Rats/Players
Do I really need to elaborate on rats? They see other women while they are seeing you and lie about it or they don't lie about it but then act shocked or even humiliate you when you say you can't handle it.
Love?
I did fall in love once with a wonderful man but we did not meet online. We met one another at a botanical garden. He had no agenda. No script for me. No role for me to play. He was funny and when we met, he made me laugh. It was simple. It was fun. I could be myself as could he. We were just two human beings. Not a checklist of characteristics. Online dating cheapens these experiences. Men need to ask women out like in the old days. Men need to look around at the women in their lives and get off the computer. I still remember sitting next to a very appealing man at bar in the Bay area and what did we talk about? Online dating. We laughed about it. Joked about some of the people we met. Then after a few minutes when I could not get my courage up to give him my phone number, he turned to me, laughing, to tell me he was going home to check his online dating site. There I was. A perfectly fine woman...and he was going home to check his computer. This is sad.
Have I found a man in 5 years of online dating? No. I still think the way we should meet our partners is through, God forbid, chemistry. This is the sure fire way and the way our ancestors met as well. Chemistry, pheromones, circumstance, and timing. This has not changed and online dating will never replace this. We need to bring back the Saturday night dances...and we need to summon up our courage. Not hide behind a trend that has turned the pleasures of love into a commodity only to leave the vast majority of us, still alone.
So, continuing down my supremely simplistic history of the white race, at least in America, since the white race then dominated the culture for, I will say, around 500 years, this is the culture all the other cultures are expected to emulate and in most cases, by force. (Read Overthrow by Kinzer and you will understand the history of why this is true and for Native American history, oh my God...). Only now, we are at a point in history where other races and cultures are saying, "hey man, I don't want to emulate the whites. We have our own culture. Why should we fold in with yours anyway not to mention it's really f-ing boring and your culture is killing the planet?" So now there is a backlash forming against white culture and "ye old paradigms" but for the most part, whites are still in charge and while they are in charge, 'taint gonna be any paradigm crashes around here! But the cataclysms (figuratively speaking only I hope) are forming. Something better has to replace what is going on anyway or the entire human race will go extinct. Not that I necessarily think this is a bad thing. The planet would not mind.
Ok Ok. So what in the hell does this have to do with my online dating experiences as a white middle-aged woman? Compassion. I try to have compassion for these men based on that it may not all be their fault but it's really hard to do.
On to the categorization of white men I have dated and see how we are? I am categorizing them. Can't help it. It's in my genes.
Here are my tentative categories of men I have met online, all white. Also be advised that these can intergrade with one another.
1. AWWD Men: Any Woman Will Do Men
These are men who just cannot be alone. They have to have a woman all the time.
Almost all the men I have met who are AWWD have been married 2 times or more. If you meet a man that has been married at least 3 times and is looking for a 4th, he may be a AWWD man. Another term used to describe them is "serial monogamist." The honest to God truth is AWWD men could not give a shit about you--how "unique" you are, your interests, your desires, etc. They go on looks a lot of the time and as long as they have a girlfriend, they really don't care what she is about. In fact, their ideal woman is the one that doesn't talk. If you are with a AWWD man, you find yourself very lonely even when you are with him.
Yes, AWWD men CAN in time develop an interest in you but it may be just to facilitate their own self-interest. They 'contaminate' everything they touch with their own self-interest. So, let's say you love to read and jog. They will disdain your love of reading or ignore it but if they jog, will definitely join you. You see, if facilitates their own SELFish interests. Theoretically at least, all people can come around over time but don't expect him to be deeply interested in you, ever.
2. Men That Just Want to Date Themselves
These appear to be the most common type of men I have dated. I am not kidding either. They are really looking for a woman who is exactly like they are. (Yes AWWD men can be this category too). These men are pretty easy to spot. True stories: the guy I dated whose dream it was to find a woman to play golf with him. All I said to him is "I used to play some golf" and immediately he launched into a fantasy about how he had "finally" found a woman to play golf with and where we would go, etc. It was all fine and dandy except I did not want to do this. It did not matter. He thought he finally found himself to date. Other examples are the guy that fixes up old cars and wants to find a woman who will help him fix up old cars. The guy that fishes and wants to find the woman who will love fishing as much as he does. The guy that is into Chinese art and is looking for the woman to pursue this interest with him. You get the picture (or painting). The point is these men will not be interested in you. They will be interested only in that you will evolve into little female renditions of themselves. These men are also the kind that don't understand why they are still alone.
3. "I Have a Fantasy Girl in My Head I am Already in Love With. Please Be This Girl?"
Again, this can be the above category. The girl in their head they are in love with, is the female rendition of themselves. But there are also the men who have an idea of the woman they want and have already fallen for her. I cannot blame these men because online dating lends itself to the "checklist" mentality anyway. The entire process is a checklist of things you do want and don't want, like you are ordering an item from a catalog! It's the same thing only with human beings. So you cannot blame men and women for approaching a new potential partner by checking off the list in their heads as they meet you. I know this is true because one man I met said to me "you're almost what I want." ALMOST?? God. Was it my hair? My teeth? My eyes? My ass? Ridiculous. Nonetheless, online dating is a checklist and your potential partner will no doubt be quietly going down his list when he meets you. Product love. You are a product. He is a product. Let the two products meet, evaluate one another, and make new products. Crazy.
Because of my physical characteristics, even at my age, I get past the initial checklist quickly. I am blonde (or trying to be as the gray comes in), blue eyed, somewhat petite; so right off the bat, I can tell these men have filled in their checklist for me regarding my appearance. I really liked the guy I met who told me he "usually prefers brunettes but thought he would give a blonde (me) a shot." A shot? Again, what am I, a different color hat?
I do not waste my time on these men. One of two things happens: they will try like crazy to cram you into their script they have already written for you or decide to "make concessions" while still looking for their "perfect" woman. This means while he is dating you, he is still emailing other women online in his incessant and sad quest to find his perfect/fantasy women that does not exist.
4. Narcissists
For God sakes. This is our entire culture. Our whole economic system is built on
promoting narcissism. It fuels capitalism. So this is where "societal pressure" comes in big time-- you give the monkey access to the toys and he will play with them and after all, we are still unevolved monkeys. Still operating off the brain stem=primitive brain. So I cannot totally blame narcissistic men for being this way. Nonetheless. if you meet what appears to be a pathological narcissist, run. Run far far away and quickly. There is even a name for when it gets really bad--Narcissistic Personality Disorder. In short, these men are in love with themselves even beyond men looking to date themselves. Your job is to worship them and prop their lame asses up at your expense. These men will leach you to the bone if you let them. They may also be passive aggressive and screw with your head a lot. There is no hope here. Just get away.
5. Men That Haven't Got a Clue
This follows narcissistic men for a reason. N.M. and MTHGaC can be the same thing.
But there is also definitely the men that just do not get it about women and maybe they never will. I haven't totally figured these guys out. Do they have early Alzheimers? Are they just dumb? Lazy? Are they just not that into me? These are the men you tell something to over and over and they still do not get it. In fact, you could rent the blimp with the words on the side of it and fly it right in front of them and you're lucky if they even notice THE BLIMP!!
Examples:
Nitwit: where have you been?
Woman: I went out of town for work, remember? I told you? Maybe more than once?
Nitwit: Oh. You're back now?
Woman: Yes. (Gosh, he's a real rocket scientist!)
Uhm....
Nitwit: Well, where did you go?
Woman" San Francisco? Remember, I told you?
Nitwit: Oh. Yea. Well...Did you have a good time?
Woman: A good time? It was work. I guess I had a good time but I was there to work.
Nitwit: Oh. Did the work go alright?
Smart Woman: You know what? I have to go now. BYE!
Or the guy who I dated for awhile who walked through my garage a few times where he went past my skis, all kinds of them. When I told him I was going skiing, he acted surprised. HELLO? ANYONE IN THERE? The guy that after my telling him I really love a coffee mug he is using because it was from a good friend then takes it outside and into his car. We are taking a day trip. It is our first date. He acts surprised when I ask him to please not take my favorite coffee mug into his car because I do not want it to get broken, etc. I ask him to please put it back into the house. He has no interest at all in why I like the coffee mug or who the friend is.
TOO MANY MORE EXAMPLES!!! MUST STOP HERE!
6. Baby Men
These are men looking for a woman to take care of them--clean, fix dinner, pick out their clothes. Basically Baby Men want their mommies. Examples of my experience with Baby Men are they whine. Like the guy I went skiing with. I wanted to go ahead to the lodge and go to the bathroom but he almost screamed, "I don't know where to go. I don't know where to go. Wait for me." Jesus Christ. Grow the fuck up dude. I am just going to the bathroom and if you look to your right, there is a big big building that says SKI LODGE on it. You can find it. Baby Men are the MOST annoying for me. They have to be everywhere you are. They have little concept of personal space and they cannot make decisions. They also cannot fix anything or suddenly you find yourself fixing something they started. I have no respect for Baby Men. None.
They disgust me. Then again, I want what I will never find--a real man who does not
recognize gender-defined roles and can make me dinner while I clean the garage or vice versa. We just work together and gender has little to do with it.
7. Day Planner Men
I probably do not need to expound on this type too much. Basically, he is incredibly busy either with his business or job (his REAL girlfriend is his job and you are the other woman). To even plan to go to a movie with this guy is ridiculous. He may have 4 kids from 2 different wives. One of his ex wives is calling him or his kids or his employees...and you are often relegated to waiting around while he checks his email. He has to schedule you in to do just about anything. These men do not understand that in order to have a fulfilling relationship, you have to make SACRIFICES in your life, including your time. So they hope they can slip you in between racket ball and their son's soccer match but they can't because it is impossible. I won't date Day Planner Guys unless they get it--I am a terrific woman and if you want to see me, make the time and don't make me feel like shit either because you did.
8. Rats/Players
Do I really need to elaborate on rats? They see other women while they are seeing you and lie about it or they don't lie about it but then act shocked or even humiliate you when you say you can't handle it.
Love?
I did fall in love once with a wonderful man but we did not meet online. We met one another at a botanical garden. He had no agenda. No script for me. No role for me to play. He was funny and when we met, he made me laugh. It was simple. It was fun. I could be myself as could he. We were just two human beings. Not a checklist of characteristics. Online dating cheapens these experiences. Men need to ask women out like in the old days. Men need to look around at the women in their lives and get off the computer. I still remember sitting next to a very appealing man at bar in the Bay area and what did we talk about? Online dating. We laughed about it. Joked about some of the people we met. Then after a few minutes when I could not get my courage up to give him my phone number, he turned to me, laughing, to tell me he was going home to check his online dating site. There I was. A perfectly fine woman...and he was going home to check his computer. This is sad.
Have I found a man in 5 years of online dating? No. I still think the way we should meet our partners is through, God forbid, chemistry. This is the sure fire way and the way our ancestors met as well. Chemistry, pheromones, circumstance, and timing. This has not changed and online dating will never replace this. We need to bring back the Saturday night dances...and we need to summon up our courage. Not hide behind a trend that has turned the pleasures of love into a commodity only to leave the vast majority of us, still alone.
Overview
I have been using "online dating" sites for a few years often with a feeling of self-loathing every time I sign up for yet another one. I think the self-loathing is because it has not worked for me and it feels like putting another quarter in the slot machine when I have already lost some money. "God. Here I go again."
First of all, there is something wrong with the white race in general. It hit me when I visited a small town in Oregon, overwhelmingly white, and every where I looked, the residents were out in their yards doing something to their yards. Doing something not IN their yards but TO their yards. Some of them had on pesticide backpack sprayers and they were napalming their own property with chemicals. Others were mowing, either hand mowing or on riding mowers. Others were raking up leaf clippings and shoving them into plastic bags. There were those pulling weeds, on their hands and knees, watering, loping, trimming, hedging...I drove down the streets of this town thinking to myself, as if visiting from another planet, "what is the matter with these people?" Since I am a white woman who grew up in a giant subdivision in the the Midwest, I am familiar with this behavior as I watched my parents engage in it in regularly and my brother now obsessively carries on with the tradition. It was then and there I realized the entire white race seems to suffer from obsessive compulsive disorder or at best, the white race is comprised of a bunch of control freaks.
History bares this out easily. We had to control the Indians when we first got here and most wars are over some kind of control. We had to control one another (religion, starting with the Puritans), we had to control what wildlife lived and died, we had control where plants could and could not grow and what kind could be grown (agriculture or what is going on now, called "fuels thinning" or even more heinous, "cleaning" as if natural habitats are somehow dirty), we had to control other races, often in our best interest, our housing developments are obsessively planned down to where the dishwasher will go, we have invented all kinds of products to control things: "germs", bugs, mold, mildew, etc. The honest to God truth is, I seriously doubt terrorism will ever get a hold here because it is still the white race doing most of the surveillance and since the white race is obsessed with controlling every little thing in its environment, it will no doubt do very very well monitoring for terrorism, not withstanding political interference and callous idiocy, such as that we had during the GW Bush years. (They were control freaks too and of the most lethal kind).
I put forth that there is something wrong with the white race, possibly genetically or ancestrally, that predisposes the white race to want to control absolutely everything in their environment. I would even go so far as to say a large percentage of the white race suffers from some genetic form or predisposition of obsessive-compulsive disorder.
In general, it appears the white race has also become very boring and lacks imagination and creativity. If you are going to meet someone with little to no personality, I would guess this would be a white person. This person may have his garage organized beautifully including alphabetizing the soda pop in the garage refrigerator, his towels perfectly folded, no weeds in his yard, a well-organized CD collection (alphabetized of course), the lawn is perfect, and
everything is color coordinated. Our perfect white person also works for a large corporation or the government but when you talk to him, he is nearly completely devoid of a personality or if he even has one, he is boring, humorless, and lacks imagination. Nonetheless, he is considered a good citizen.
And this leads me to the point of this blog--after dating lots of white men, I have come to the conclusion that there is something wrong with the white male race. I will expound on this in the next blog. Stay tuned.
First of all, there is something wrong with the white race in general. It hit me when I visited a small town in Oregon, overwhelmingly white, and every where I looked, the residents were out in their yards doing something to their yards. Doing something not IN their yards but TO their yards. Some of them had on pesticide backpack sprayers and they were napalming their own property with chemicals. Others were mowing, either hand mowing or on riding mowers. Others were raking up leaf clippings and shoving them into plastic bags. There were those pulling weeds, on their hands and knees, watering, loping, trimming, hedging...I drove down the streets of this town thinking to myself, as if visiting from another planet, "what is the matter with these people?" Since I am a white woman who grew up in a giant subdivision in the the Midwest, I am familiar with this behavior as I watched my parents engage in it in regularly and my brother now obsessively carries on with the tradition. It was then and there I realized the entire white race seems to suffer from obsessive compulsive disorder or at best, the white race is comprised of a bunch of control freaks.
History bares this out easily. We had to control the Indians when we first got here and most wars are over some kind of control. We had to control one another (religion, starting with the Puritans), we had to control what wildlife lived and died, we had control where plants could and could not grow and what kind could be grown (agriculture or what is going on now, called "fuels thinning" or even more heinous, "cleaning" as if natural habitats are somehow dirty), we had to control other races, often in our best interest, our housing developments are obsessively planned down to where the dishwasher will go, we have invented all kinds of products to control things: "germs", bugs, mold, mildew, etc. The honest to God truth is, I seriously doubt terrorism will ever get a hold here because it is still the white race doing most of the surveillance and since the white race is obsessed with controlling every little thing in its environment, it will no doubt do very very well monitoring for terrorism, not withstanding political interference and callous idiocy, such as that we had during the GW Bush years. (They were control freaks too and of the most lethal kind).
I put forth that there is something wrong with the white race, possibly genetically or ancestrally, that predisposes the white race to want to control absolutely everything in their environment. I would even go so far as to say a large percentage of the white race suffers from some genetic form or predisposition of obsessive-compulsive disorder.
In general, it appears the white race has also become very boring and lacks imagination and creativity. If you are going to meet someone with little to no personality, I would guess this would be a white person. This person may have his garage organized beautifully including alphabetizing the soda pop in the garage refrigerator, his towels perfectly folded, no weeds in his yard, a well-organized CD collection (alphabetized of course), the lawn is perfect, and
everything is color coordinated. Our perfect white person also works for a large corporation or the government but when you talk to him, he is nearly completely devoid of a personality or if he even has one, he is boring, humorless, and lacks imagination. Nonetheless, he is considered a good citizen.
And this leads me to the point of this blog--after dating lots of white men, I have come to the conclusion that there is something wrong with the white male race. I will expound on this in the next blog. Stay tuned.
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