tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-85068530993508455812024-03-13T19:21:22.868-07:00The Middle-Aged White Woman Speaks.Musings, Bitching, Dating, Relationships, Observing, Waking Up and Going to Bed at the End of the Day, etc. etc.The Realistic Cynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13927875543029101292noreply@blogger.comBlogger20125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8506853099350845581.post-36157065461446072522018-07-04T11:48:00.001-07:002018-07-04T12:57:31.372-07:00Millennials Meteoric Rise Into Positions for Which They Are Not Qualified Means...they will never hire someone who is, meaning, they will never hire someone older than them, meaning as long as the systems of which they are a part cater to their well-justified insecurities, we all suffer.<br />
<br />
This blog is by a middle-aged white woman for any/everyone. Because it is written by a MAWW, of course, everything is seen through the eyes of a MAWW. This doesn't mean it's right, it's wrong. This is just how I see things as a MAWW just like someone who is different sees things from THEIR perspective. Demanding that everyone be the same (impossible anyway) is not fostering equality. It is fostering egotism and division. Recognizing that everyone is different and celebrating this IS equality.<br />
<br />
So I blog to vent, 99% of it, but also to provide a window into what the "average American middle aged white woman" is thinking. Beats jumping off a bridge, at least for now.<br />
<br />
Back to the topic--many MAWW's I know, including myself, are looking for employment, at the worst, because they did a shitty job of planning their financial life and really need money, at best, because even though they have plenty of money, they are bored and want 'something to do' or want a little 'spending money'. Within my ever dwindling circle of MAWW friends, we share the same experience: the interview with the 27 year old who we could devour in 30 seconds with our intelligence, life experience, education, and wisdom, and they know this, so the interview is mostly them stemming their terror that they will be outed as the babies they are, for some reason society coddling them from facing any real knowledge about themselves, such as, you're 27, what in the hell do you know about Human Resource issues? Or what in the hell do you know about relationship conflict? Raising children? Driving a 4-wheel drive?<br />
<br />
Well, they know pretty much next to nothing. So, you, the super cool, highly qualified MAWW, maybe with a long career behind you, a few kids you raised, likely a divorce (or two), a few dead friends/parents (so you know loss and grief), the clear best choice for the job, are rejected so the 27 year old, who would be terrified to be your boss in fact, can hire the 26 year old, who next to her, she looks pretty damn smart.<br />
<br />
What kind of nation puts its least qualified in power? Say, Donald Trump as President? What kind of nation rejects its most experienced, educated, wise in the workplace? A pathetic idiotic nation that then has the audacity to hold itself up as the shining beacon for others...? Then again, do you want to work for an employer who rejects the most experienced for the empty 27 year old? Is this the kind of company you want to work for? Hell no.<br />
<br />
So, yes, the age discrimination is blatant but it only reflects back on the companies engaging in it, companies you don't want to work for anyway because you are too smart, too experienced, you would go nuts...<br />
<br />
The next time you have an interview and the "manager" is at least 15-20 years younger than you, quietly, deliberately get up and leave. Decline the "interview". They are terrified of you anyway, what you know, and if you can, the remedy to getting a job at our age? Start your own business knowing if you need employees, there are thousands of incredibly well-qualified middle-aged people to select from which will insure your success.<br />
<br />
<br />
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<br />The Realistic Cynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13927875543029101292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8506853099350845581.post-28969376103087213412016-10-10T10:25:00.001-07:002016-10-15T10:15:22.064-07:00SISTERS, WATCH THE NEXT DEBACLE, er, DEBATE IN THE BATHROOM...<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>then when you throw-up at the sight of Donald Trump, you're near the toilet!</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">We dwindled down to three then there was only me, my two other friends declining; one decided to clean the laundry room, the other to sort through kitchen cabinets instead. This is how bad it is. In this sense, Donald Trump inspires one to CLEAN since he is such a narcissistic filthy pig of a human being. It was no wonder my girlfriends opted to clean...</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">The sight of him this time caused actual physical nausea in me, listening to his sociopathic jabber, looking at his ugly petulant baby-face whenever there is any suggestion he show contrition--his face scrunches up, his lips pop out, and his eyes shrink into slits. Did I feel like throwing up not only because he is so disgusting but also over the idea that my country, this troubled yet great nation of ours, offers up such a megalomaniac, really, to be our PRESIDENT?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">How much more evidence do those of you in power--say of our "national debates"-- want that we must abandon the two party system in this country? In a country as diverse as America, to have, STILL, only two choices is enough to want to make you throw up in and of itself.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">WE NEED MORE THAN TWO CHOICES. IN A COUNTRY THAT PRIDES ITSELF ON DIVERSITY, WHY DOESN'T THIS EXTEND TO OUR PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">WE NEED FUNDAMENTAL CHANGES IN OUR ELECTION SYSTEM TO EASILY ALLOW MORE THAN TWO CANDIDATES. After watching so many elections throughout my life, maybe it was also this that was making me sick.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Of course, I am voting for Hillary who I now hold in even higher esteem after watching the PBS Frontline special. The woman has been through hell and back and still hangs on with her teeth. No, she is not perfect and yes, she does odd things (but when you learn about her childhood, you are able to put it in some perspective). She will represent our country as the states-WOMAN she is. We will not be HUMILIATED by her, embarrassed and ashamed--TERRIFIED. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">And to the Repugnitan Party, you are pathetic. Truly. Every staunch Republican woman I know is voting for Hillary because (the mostly white males of) your party nominated a whore to represent you, then you whored yourselves out to him. You are just as disgusting as the man himself.</span>The Realistic Cynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13927875543029101292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8506853099350845581.post-15407677644727647792015-06-20T19:16:00.001-07:002015-06-20T20:04:31.752-07:00IF IT'S NOT ON A SCREEN, IT DOESN'T EXIST. THE END OF THE THIRD DIMENSION and/or I Finally Met the Perfect Guy!But FIRST, a pre-blog to my blog or what used to be called the "preface". I am going to call it<br />
MESSED UP.<br />
<br />
<u>MESSED UP</u><br />
<br />
A few weeks ago, I was at a restaurant, of course by myself. I wanted to read so I asked if I<br />
could sit in the quiet (empty) section of the restaurant, a pretty little sun room with plants. The perfect place to sip a Mimosa and leisurely read my magazine, one of many that have stacked up over the months. I was completely content. Then a semi-handsome single man walked in and had the audacity to sit down a few tables away.<br />
<br />
"Shit," I said to myself, looking up from my magazine, then back down at it again. Asshole.<br />
<br />
I was fine until he walked in.<br />
<br />
Of course, I tried to ignore him and OF COURSE, if he was even semi-handsome (not bad), he had to be waiting for someone--his woman OR his man. I don't know anymore and who cares. None of my business.<br />
<br />
I glanced up at him. He was looking at me. WTF? These things never happen to me.I am not a walking Hollywood script. I am the opposite of a Hollywood script, the very NIGHTMARE of a Hollywood script. In fact, I am such a nightmare-not-a-Hollywood-script that in MY MOVIE, the semi-handsome guy would walk in then proceed to puke on me. This is how bad it is.<br />
<br />
Used to having NOTHING work out for me in this realm, I looked back down at my magazine, now INCREDIBLY interesting, more interesting than ever before. I was determined to ignore this mother fucker asshole ruining my Tuesday morning of relaxed bliss; but not before I noted when I glanced up that he smiled at me. C'MON!<br />
<br />
He ordered water, lunch then finally, <i>finally</i>, started playing with his device (no, no, no, I mean his DEVICE--droid, I-phone-19, whatever, stop it). I don't have one and never will. I am blissfully device free aside from a cell phone I keep with me like some people keep a hand gun--for my protection only.<br />
<br />
Looking down at the same paragraph I had now read five times, I thought "surely his woman (or man) was going to show up soon."<br />
<br />
Ten minutes in and nobody showed up. I looked up and he was looking at me again. Rude. Finally, of course, I said something, more because SOMEBODY had to do it and once I did it, I could get back to my, MY time.<br />
<br />
"I like the misters," I said in all my brilliance. What a great line!<br />
<br />
"Yea," he answered.<br />
<br />
BOY WE WERE OFF TO A SWINGING START, LET ME TELL YA!<br />
<br />
"It's just so nice to be somewhere peaceful," he then said to me.<br />
<br />
OH MY GOD, REALLY? Yea, until you showed and fucked it up. <br />
<br />
And off we went, the two of us, chatting--about nothing. He wasn't waiting for anyone. He had the day off and was just enjoying himself. There was something about dropping off his son at a friend's house. He didn't have a ring on. He was chatty, friendly, nice. Funny. <br />
<br />
It was lovely and it resulted in absolutely nothing. It was a waste of my precious time. Truly, my precious time reading my magazine and sipping my Mimosa. I should have been rude, even a bitch because he ruined my day. Because I was waiting for SOMETHING. ANYTHING but the deal is, modern men, for whatever reason, <b>cannot operate in the 3rd dimension</b>.<i><b> </b></i><b>If it's not on a screen, it doesn't exist.</b> I didn't exist. We are losing the ability to interact in the real world. <br />
<br />
<b>What this means is it is far more likely we would hook up if in that same period of time, I showed up ON A SCREEN versus as a real person. </b>While he was sitting there confusing some other woman, he would be emailing/texting ME...this appears to be the only way to meet anymore.<br />
NOT in the third dimension. Not in the real world. <br />
<br />
But I still live in the third dimension so I was waiting for him to get on with it, be a gentleman--ask if it was ok if he joined me. Ask what I was drinking and if he could buy me a drink. ("Sure, I'll have another Mimosa and would you like to have one too and join me?"). But he was an ass. Men are asses now. It was so obvious we liked one another, had a rapport, could talk/laugh easily so I waited, like in the old days--for him to act like a man. Take the reins. But he didn't and I refused to. I won't anymore. If a man is so pathetic and stupid that he can't even get a clue about wooing a woman even just a little bit, and I have to do it, I am not interested. I won't do it. If a man cannot function in the third dimension, I have to be on a screen in order to exist, then I don't want him. <br />
<br />
This didn't stop me from pretending, fantasizing after he finished his lunch and beer and left. I decided to pretend..."Imaginary Lovers, Never Let You Down..."<br />
<br />
<i>"Do you mind if I join you? I'm alone too," he says. His name is Dan.</i><br />
<i>"No, no. How nice. Feel free!" I say. (Meaning: I'm lonely and horney as hell too. PLEASE!)</i><br />
<i>"What are you drinking? Can I buy you a drink?" he asks, smiling.</i><br />
<i>"Mimosa. You too?" I answer.</i><br />
<i>"Well, I started out with a beer but ok. Mimosa it is." he answers.</i><br />
<br />
Later we go for a walk by the river...exchange phone numbers. Make plans to meet again.<br />
<br />
But no. No, because men are inept now. Stupid even. This is not the first time (read my older posts).<br />
Meeting the nice, interesting, semi-handsome man who has to leave to check his responses on Match.com. I should know by now but hope springs stupid...Maybe this ONE can exist in the third dimension? <br />
<br />
BUT this blog started out saying I met the perfect man! If that wasn't him, who was it? DO TELL!<br />
<br />
It was a homeless guy in San Francisco who sat next to me at the Bart station. He said I was "sexy" and "hot". He said, "um UHmmmm, MAMMA!" He said, "you are a sexxxxxy MAMMA! Baby you are HOT."<br />
<br />
Then he left.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
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<br />The Realistic Cynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13927875543029101292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8506853099350845581.post-24930567180120431932015-03-20T14:18:00.001-07:002015-03-20T15:08:46.844-07:00Current Culture: Narcissism UnmaskedRead my past posts and you know I hate Facebook. All Facebook is doing is cultivating even more narcissism in our culture--and Zuckerberg is a genius for tapping into it. He understands the primitive nature of the human species and now he is a bazillionaire. Too bad all his creation does is make it worse but he doesn't care because he is part of the whole primitive element. He got into it for himself to begin with. <br />
<br />
But this post is about generational narcissism that pre-dated Facebook, maybe even led to its creation. This post is about if Boomer generation people can be real friends. <br />
<br />
Per past posts, I also hold the Boomer generation in disdain. I am not a Boomer, barely missing it by a few years, but my siblings are Boomers. They tend to be very self-absorbed and self-centered. As soon as any topic has its nerve to sway off them, they are done with the conversation. I should be used to them by now but I am not. Now my way of dealing with them is simple avoidance.<br />
<br />
But can you avoid your friends that are narcissistic and yes, you are saying, "hell, you just said you avoid your narcissistic siblings. Of course you can avoid your narcissistic friends!"<br />
<br />
Exactly. It's not as simple and I don't know why.<br />
<br />
Through no fault of my own, most of my friends are Boomer age and I am now coming to very painful terms that NONE of them will ever be the kind of friends I need and deserve, because like a vein of some kind of element running through rock, the vein of narcissism runs through the entire Baby Boomer generation. It is just who they are and criticizing, demanding, withholding...however you want to deal with them, is not going to work. You either accept them for who/what they are or end your relationship with them. The past year, I have opted for the later. I just nixed my third friendship or not, with another narcissistic "friend". I may be a bit physically lonelier, because at least there is another body next to you at a movie even if they are closed off to you emotionally, but overall, I am doing better. But how long can this go on? How many more friends will I nix out of my life because they don't meet my needs? Is this narcissistic on my part?<br />
<br />
No because my needs are simple. All I have ever wanted from one of these former friends is for one of them to ask, genuinely, "how was your day today?" "What's happening in your life?" "How are you?" But none of them ever do, did. I realized I could have been dead in my house for weeks and none of them would have cared, called. They got in touch with me on their terms, based on their needs. I filled a void for them. Validated their existence. Listened to them prattle on with nary a concern for me.<br />
<br />
And now I am done.<br />
<br />
The last "friendship" I nixed a few days ago, unexpectedly. Maybe because I was tired. Maybe because I was jealous.<br />
<br />
Her husband died and left her a bunch of money. She is now rich and I am definitely NOT.<br />
<br />
Per narcissistic behavior, her glee over all the money Michael left her overpowered her grief but who am I to judge if someone is "really" grieving or not? All I know is about a month after his death, she regaled me with her plans to travel around the world, blathered on about her new "spiritual awakening" that included a $2500 "spiritual retreat", and mentioned a bunch of new things she bought off the web. At one point she even said, "Thank You Michael!" leaving me in an abyss of confusion--"you just thanked your dead husband for dying?" What? Lordy, lordy but losing a husband sounds like a great time! <br />
<br />
In the middle of our conversation while she was awash in her postmortem bliss, I blurted out, "you know, my dog got away this morning and almost got hit by a car." Silence. "Glad you got him back," was her reply. "What if I didn't get him back. How do you know if I got him back?" "Well, I just assumed you did." Silence. Then she picked up right where she left off---about some god damned new pillow. Really? <br />
<br />
I hung up on her. She didn't call back. If she does, I will hang up on her again. I will do whatever it takes.<br />
<br />
Then again, she is a Boomer and a narcissist and the thing about narcissists <i><b>is they just don't get it</b></i>. They never will. <i><b>This is what makes dealing with them so exasperating.</b></i> This is why you just have to nix them out of your life. You can't wait for them to come to some epiphany, apologize, be contrite. It's not in them. Why can't I get this? But now I am.<br />
<br />
But wait--it gets worse!<br />
<br />
Right after this, I watched a program on television--National Geographic--Brain Games. It was a show about the cultivation of compassion. If the human species is to survive, and really why should it if it continues to be as narcissistic and stupid as it currently is, it will come down to if the human species can cultivate more compassion. What was so depressing is they did a research study and what they found, I guess not surprisingly, is if people do not feel like they <i><b>can get something out of you to benefit THEM,</b></i> they are not inclined to build a relationship, say with you, or me. In other words, apparently we are all a bunch of selfish fucks. <br />
<br />
And I am idiot I guess for thinking if I wait long enough, look long enough, am deliberate long enough, I WILL find the one person left on the planet who may actually like me for me. The one person left on the planet who isn't in it for themselves, at least not 100%. A true friend. <br />
<br />
In the meantime, I do have true friends I love so much and they love me back unconditionally---my dogs. The Realistic Cynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13927875543029101292noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8506853099350845581.post-11976601935604715272014-12-15T13:54:00.001-08:002016-10-15T10:05:48.383-07:00All My Friends Are CrazyI love my friends. I hate my friends. My friends are all bundles of psychological disorders, the penalty for living this long.<br />
<br />
Too many Sex and the City reruns. Show should be banned.<br />
<br />
The result was I had this idea all my girlfriends and I would spend Christmas together, go out to dinner, go for a hike, drink champagne by the ocean, act self-righteous and judgmental about everyone else we know and don't know. Feel fabulous.<br />
<br />
Where are the days when you would ask someone if they want to do something<br />
and they would reply, "ok, sounds like FUN!!"<br />
<br />
Where in the fuck are those days?<br />
<br />
Again, take Sex and the City off the air. Burn your video collection.<br />
<br />
Let's parse this out:<br />
<br />
Three replied and I am not allowed to use anyone's real name and they all hate me because of this blog anyway which is stupid since I do not use their real names.<br />
<br />
Let's just say their names are Charlotte, Miranda, and Samantha. Yea, yea, so this makes me Carrie. Let's compare and contrast:<br />
<br />
S&theCity response: "Sure, we would LOVE to go to the coast for Christmas, go hiking, and go out to dinner! Sounds fun!"<br />
<br />
REAL WORLD<br />
<br />
MyLife's "Miranda": "Sure, I guess. I mean, it sounds kind of fun but, I don't know. Let me see how I'm feeling that day."<br />
<br />
MyLife: "That day? You mean Christmas Eve Day?"<br />
<br />
MyLife's Miranda: "Yea, no. I mean, I don't know. I might want to spend Christmas like that but, I don't know. I'm kind of feeling depressed. Maybe. Can I let you know?"<br />
<br />
MyLife: "It's just a few days away. I need to make dinner reservations for Christmas Eve. How long do you want me to wait?"<br />
<br />
MyLife'sMiranda: "Don't wait. Go without me. I mean, I may go."<br />
<br />
MyLife: "The whole point is I don't really have a lot of family left and I really don't want to be alone; I mean, I get depressed too? I also need to make reservations?"<br />
<br />
MyLife'sMiranda: "If I don't go, you feel free to go without me. This is all I'm saying."<br />
<br />
****************** <br />
<br />
MyLife's "Samantha": "I'l get back to you."<br />
<br />
****************** <br />
MyLife's Charlotte: "Yes but do you know if it's going to be cold or rainy? What's the weather going to be? I may not want to go if it's rainy. Also, do you know, like where we will eat because I am trying to be gluten-free? Do they serve gluten-free? I also think I have an allergy to peanuts but I can't see the doctor for awhile. Are you going to bring your dogs because I like your dogs but....etc., etc."<br />
<br />
*******************************<br />
Christmas Eve night: S&theCity: the four women walk arm and arm as the snow lightly lands on their delicate yet feminine eye-lashes. They are all dressed more than appropriately if not colorfully. They are slightly buzzed from drinking champagne over Christmas Eve dinner overlooking Central Park. They exchanged gifts, small, thoughtful little things, and now tuck into one another--one love-filled unit, moving, no gliding, through the perfect winter night, dear friends,<br />
fabulous women.<br />
<br />
*******************************<br />
<br />
MyLife's CEve:<br />
<br />
"And how many are dining tonite ma'am? You probably should have made a<br />
reservation."<br />
<br />
"One."<br />
<br />
"One? On Christmas Eve night?"<br />
<br />
"You heard me (asshole)."<br />
<br />
"Oh, well for ONE, we have plenty of room. Do you mind sitting in the bar?"<br />
<br />
<br />
Merry Christmas. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
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<br />The Realistic Cynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13927875543029101292noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8506853099350845581.post-18053507200150246182014-08-28T23:31:00.001-07:002014-09-03T22:33:08.562-07:00Categories of Men--HOLDING--Another New One--Are You My Mother?Ok, so I had to recover from my friend's disconcerting 'encounter' (dare I put it this way...near encounter?) with, well, read about it but it freaked me out and frankly, depressed me. Maybe every generation gets to that "when I was YOUR age" stage of life but the idea that a young man would expose himself to my middle aged friend (and she didn't do anything about it, like call the police) and this might be the new "normal" among the millennial or whatever generation the 20-somethings are, well, it only validates my feeling that the world is going to shit. It also validates that kids these days apparently had/have no parents and are one notch above being something akin to wild dogs. We are in decline and it's hard to watch. If I can find a rock to crawl under, believe me, I will.<br />
<br />
BUT, in the meantime, I have a little something to report that diverted me from being depressed then made me depressed again--two men entered my life about a month ago--or tried. One of them was a past attempt and the other was a new contact from a dating site I have not looked at for awhile--the email came out of the blue. Here is the report:<br />
<br />
Guy 1 who I called "Cryptic Man" years ago got in touch with me after many years, like five.<br />
There was always something off about this guy and he was still off. After two attempted dates, I figured out he was a borderline personality--as in maybe more than one or two of them. After personality "Mean" demonstrated stunning levels of vitriol based entirely on his own perceptions and trip about me, I bailed out as quickly as I could all the while advising him to see a shrink. What sucked me back in and probably sucks all of us back in was the "potential" he/we had...if only...<br />
You have to let that go. Men don't suddenly de-asshole themselves without counseling and intervention. Once an asshole to you, always an asshole to you. Get a clue. Move on.<br />
<br />
The second experience was so stereotypical, I almost could not believe it. Man, 54, river runner his whole adult life. While this is interesting, the red flag went shooting up the damn pole when he<br />
told me he was pursuing a degree in mechanical engineering 30 years before but left the degree program to be a river guide and he was still guiding... He was still an adolescent in other words and this continued to bear itself out. First of all, every time we tried to make plans to get together, he would always send me an email that he would not be available because he had this river trip and that river trip and then he was going to a concert...this man is a child. It was sealed when he<br />
emailed me a link to campfire songs he recorded of himself singing songs like "Puff the Magic Dragon" and "The Circle Game"...his singing and playing was terrible. I thought it was a joke; then he emailed me links for Flicker of photos of himself. He did not show a lot of interest in me except some clawing need to get some kind of acknowledgement/approval out of me.<br />
<br />
Thus, I have a new category of man: the man who has, how do they put it, unresolved "mommy" issues and until he resolves these issues transforms every women he gets involved with into his mother from whom he is constantly striving for approval. "Lookie' at me Mommy playing my guitar and singing songs!" "Lookie' Mommy at all the photos of me doing things!" "Mommy? Mommy? Tell me that you love me Mommy!"<br />
<br />
It was nauseating. He's nixed.<br />
<br />
In the meantime, I am getting a new dog from the pound and looking forward to true love, understanding, and companionship.<br />
<br />
Depressed because you can't find a decent man? Give it up and go to your nearest shelter and adopt an animal that will love you in a way no man ever could--unconditionally and with gratitude. There are hundreds, thousands of them waiting...If you're holding back your love for the right guy, screw that!! (Or not). Go save a life--your own.<br />
<br />
Love ya,<br />
<br />
RCynic<br />
<br />The Realistic Cynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13927875543029101292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8506853099350845581.post-27127580860503076692014-07-02T12:52:00.000-07:002014-07-02T13:01:28.283-07:00Hey Baby, Isn't This What You Middle-aged Ladies Want?This post is going to be so hard to write yet I write a blog about being a middle aged (white) woman and what happened to my friend is so appalling yet so fitting that I have to post this. I have to.<br />
<br />
Here it is. Try to stay with me. <br />
<br />
My 50's something friend who has been mentioned in past blogs and this is all you need to know since she is paranoid even when I use a fake name, was visiting her younger sister in another state and to make a long story short or a long story longer, ended up alone in her sister's house with one of her nephew's friends--I am not sure why--she said he was about 25 (her nephew is 23) when "nephew's friend" emerged out of a bedroom, I guess her nephew's bedroom where he was hanging out, literally, and proceeded to hang out in front of her, as in offering her "some"... He walked out of the bedroom sans pants with Mr. Happy all good to go. She was, of course, horrified and appalled and asked him to return to the bedroom and put some pants on. His reply was "but isn't this what you middle-aged ladies want?"<br />
<br />
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<i><b>BUT ISN'T THIS WHAT YOU MIDDLE-AGED LADIES WANT?</b></i></div>
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WAIT!! WE'RE NOT DONE!!!<br />
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<i><b> </b></i></div>
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<i><b>"Nephew's friend" is engaged.</b></i></div>
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I am rarely rendered speechless or wordless in this case, but, uhm...help...?</div>
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<br /></div>
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My friend, who now needs some kind of fake name to keep you from getting thoroughly confused so I will call her Fannie (bad choice, sorry)...Fannie has not told anyone about this because she is so flummoxed by the whole damn thing. Nephew's friend did indeed retreat into her nephew's den to put on his pants but by the time he did, Fannie had left the house not sure where to go in her rental car she rented for the week at her sister's house. After some disoriented driving around, she got a room in a local hotel. She did not go back to her sister's house but met her sister and her nephew</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
wherever they wanted to go. Her explanation was that she thought it better for THEM if she stayed in a hotel. All went fine. She flew home here and told me what happened and I am still wondering just what in the hell? What in THE HELL?</div>
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Is this the Millineal Generation acting this way? Are they using creeps like Anthony Wiener, well, Anthony Wiener's wiener as a role model? Is this normal behavior in their world, to assault a polite and nice middle-aged woman in this way? Should we be worried about this generation (too late) and not for them, as they appear to be sufficiently narcissistic that they will be just fine--<b>but for us</b>? </div>
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She still has not told her sister...anyone in her family...and thinks it best to keep it quiet though she has told her nephew she did not like his friend, not at all, and he should get a new one, especially before her next visit. </div>
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I have absolutely nothing to say. Nothing.</div>
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The Realistic Cynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13927875543029101292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8506853099350845581.post-1593579602593339422014-05-31T18:32:00.000-07:002014-05-31T19:10:49.076-07:00Tammy is Seeking Amends--from her i-Phone<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Howdy all,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">We are heading into summer and I am ready. Hope the summer is looking nifty for you too.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I checked my stats for this blog and was blabberfasted' to find out, like, 3,000+ people have read my blog. Lord have mercy. I am tempted to tell you all to get outside and go for a walk...something...so it is with honor I face what appears to be a few fans? Wow. Thank you.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">In a previous post, I outlined my married female friends, or not. I don't know what the hell they are. They don't know what the hell I am so we're even; but I did get a rather weird email from my friend Tammy.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Tammy is the middle-aged housewife that is/was addicted to everything under the sun. Prescription drugs, maybe a few prescription drugs, did I mention prescription drugs? After trying to go out together to do things--out to eat, walking our dogs, cooking dinner together, I had to end it when she showed up at a movie stoned out of her mind including some wailing right before the movie started--something like "Dennis (her husband and none of these names are real to protect their identities and my sanity)...where was I. Oh yes, </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">"Dennis is going to killlllll meeeeee!" </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">We were seated in the front row (only seats left). She stood up and wailed this in front of everyone in the theater. I had no idea what in the hell was going on only that she was babbling and looked like hell. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">People snickered.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">"Tammy, what in the hell are you talking about? Are you alright?" </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">"Oh God. Oh my God."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">"What?" I asked, now getting frantic. My God. She was having a stroke.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">"You're having a stroke, Tammy. Please. Sit down. Let me call Dennis, someone."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">"Noooooo, Dennis is...I gotta go."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">"No."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">"I'm not...I gotta go."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">And with this she stumbled out of the theater. I followed her outside to her car and</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">after imploring she not get in it, she flung her hand around like she was going to smack me.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">(The movie, by the way was Osage County in which Meryl Streep plays a, hmmm, drug/alcohol-adled woman living alone in a big empty house. I stayed and watched it). </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Tammy made it home fine because the next day, I got an email from her that when she got home, she tripped and hurt her ankle. Could someone take her to the doctor? Then an email a few minutes later reported "it was covered." By who, I have no idea.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Calling only produced the answering machine and I have a life. I had to get to it.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Two days after this, I got an email from her that she put her dear little dog, Milo, down. She loved this dog like life itself. The dog was old. It may have been time but it seemed sudden. I was shocked. Knowing she would be torn up as hell, I went and bought some flowers that reminded me of Milo, little white campion flowers, with the idea I would plant them for her in her front yard. I put them in my yard in the meantime. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The next day, she called me, her speech slurred, begging me to come and get a dog she was taking care of. Yes, this woman pet sits and when her client found out she put Milo down, they brought their little dog over to keep her company.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">"They can't see me like this."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">"Like what?"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">"I don't feel good."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Yes, I am a little slow on the uptake but who would think a 63 year old white woman living in rural suburbia would be addicted to drugs. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Now I realized she was drunk or stoned, something. Being the daughter of an alcoholic, I know all about enabling.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">"Are you drunk? On drugs?"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">"They can't see me like this."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> "And neither can I."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I then emailed her links to AA and Narcotics Anonymous.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">This was the last time we talked. This was three months ago.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Last week, I got an email from her, of course off her iPhone because she is addicted to texting (surprise, surprise) and it said, "step 9 is making amends. I am writing to make amends. I fell off the wagon of sobriety and I want to apologize to you. I know you have other things going on in your life but if you can forgive me, I would appreciate it."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">From her iPhone. Do we make amends now from our iPhones?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">She was always sending me emails from her iPhone. When we would go out to dinner, she would rather be looking at her iPhone than at me. Once I remember I took it from her and put it in my purse. "I can keep in touch with the kids this way," she always said except her kids are in their 30's.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The woman has an addictive personality. The woman lives alone in a big house. The woman has a husband who has given up on her apparently. (While I used to have disdain for Dennis, I understand). The woman is a sad person. The woman is my neighbor. Is the woman my friend?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I have not responded to her email...or on her end, one of the many texts she punches out every minute. Does she really want to make amends or does she just miss the attention I gave her in her lonely life? She loves the attention.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Some people are empowered. I am one of them. I take charge of my life. I let things and people out of it, and I let things and people in it but I am in charge of it (keeping in mind we live in a random universe). I'm not really a net caster. I don't cast nets to see what I catch because I am empty inside. Sure, I seek out company sometimes, but not with any expectation because people will let you down.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">They WILL let you down. (Am I letting her down?)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">So, Tammy...poor Tammy. Tammy who goes around, casting nets all over the place.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">"You didn't know she was a drug addict?" A neighbor on her street asks me, incredulous.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">"No, not at first."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">"And now Milo is gone."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">While the flowers that reminded me of Milo still sit in my yard. </span><br />
<br />
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<br />The Realistic Cynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13927875543029101292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8506853099350845581.post-76474124552615868262014-02-21T13:26:00.001-08:002014-02-25T11:31:25.887-08:00For the Love of Screens: Compassion Deficit Disorder or It's Not You...or Is It? We are living in extremely strange times. These are times when being a white collar criminal is finally paying off ('cause no one cares anymore), there is no accountability when grown white men blow away black teenagers, when my neighbor who I see every day rushes back into her house to EMAIL me regarding how I am...the option of just talking to me I guess is no longer there.<br />
<br />
It is a time of corporate cyber fascism-when brilliant narcissists like Mark Zuckerberg and the "inventor"of Twitter have brain-washed millions into thinking they now have to PAY to communicate with other people. I don't have a Facebook page, I don't "tweet", I don't text. I never will. I email and, gasp, make phone calls. I go over to people's houses to, I know, TALK to them directly but hey, it's still free. (FYI, you don't have to pay for a "data-plan" to talk to people, not yet). I am, it appears, in the minority now. (But when have I ever been a sheep?).<br />
<br />
People are not building RELATIONSHIPS with one another anymore. Now we are just using one another. It is a cold time. It is a time of what I call narcissistic communication meaning if people cannot get something<i> from/out of you </i>that benefits them, they ignore you and your attempts to reach out.<br />
<br />
For example, the email I got from my (now definitely former) friends asking me if they could stay in my guest room on the way through my town. I had not heard from them for months. Emails I sent to them, chatty happy things, went completely ignored. I was excited to hear from them but stopped myself from sending another happy chatty response informing them that sure, they can stay in my guest room. Instead I sent them an email explaining that I had not heard from them for months, they did not seem to think it was all that important to respond to my friendly chatty emails, they had not called to check in and in fact, I could be dead in my house for weeks and they would not know/care, and owing that it appeared they were more interested in a free place to stay, this time I said no. Not only that, I declared them NOT "friends" of mine but the narcissistic people they are (of course baby boomers; self-absorption, materialism, and narcissism marks this pathetic generation that gave us the Hummer and George Bush Jr). Of course, after I sent them this email, I heard nothing back. They could have responded thus:<br />
<br />
"We have been so busy and are so sorry we have not stayed in touch. Forgive us. We really do want to hear how you're doing."<br />
<br />
or how bout this?<br />
<br />
"We are sorry. You are right. We have been self-absorbed lately but let us buy you dinner and let's catch-up."<br />
<br />
Responses like this would indicate some recognizance beyond themselves, a sense of grace--that precious rare sense of grace. <br />
<br />
But of course, I heard absolutely nothing back. This would require something called fortitude and they have never really had any...<br />
<br />
There are the people that email you to play tennis, or meet for dinner, or go to a movie, or....and you reply back then hear absolutely fucking nothing. This is how it is going these days.<br />
<br />
I call it "Screen-Induced Compassion Deficit Disorder" (SICDD). Then there is just good old fashioned CDD that does not require a screen to implement. Another name for it is: "I Really Don't Care About You But I'll Use You If You're Handy Kind of Like a Dish Towel" (IRDCAYBIUYLADT). <br />
<br />
Why? Allow me to posit...<br />
<br />
SCREENS:<br />
<br />
Is it easier to blow people off over a screen? Send out that email that you want something from them then decide that just sending out that email was enough? You left them hanging but fuck it, you are on to something else? A kind of passive aggressive computer communication game? ("I just emailed you about going to dinner and now am going to pretend I never even sent it. HA HA HA"!). Is it <i>that now we can only build relationships with screens? </i><br />
<br />
I have three in my life--my t.v. with basic cable (which makes me cringe every time I turn it on; I may cancel it), a cell phone (w/ no "data plan"), and this laptop.<br />
<br />
My neighbor who goes rushing by my FACE, my BODY, to get to a SCREEN where she emails me...to find out how I am doing? She just fucking passed me! I'm sorry folks but this is a kind of insanity, pathology.<br />
<br />
Do we like screens better than faces now? We seem to love looking at faces ON screens...Are we afraid of real faces now? Are real faces just too demanding? I mean, you have to drive to a real face...make the time, energy...then there are all the expressions a real face makes, some good, some bad. Who wants to put up with THIS? <br />
<br />
I believe it is the orgasmic desire of Mark Zuckerberg and his ilk to have a world like what is on the t.v. commercials--where there is a large group of people sitting outside in the sun and all of them are looking at screens. NONE of them are paying attention to one another. NONE of them are communicating directly with one another. Let's take this a step further and say that someone falls and hits their head on the pavement. Say it is an old lady. What happens in Zuckerberg's or Silicon Valley's narcissistic world? Do any of the people look up from their screens as the little old lady cries out in pain? Does anyone run to her? Or does someone snap a photo of her writhing in pain to post on Facebook or U-tube? Does anyone HELP her? Does anyone care? Does Zuckerberg/Apple execs have orgasms when they see scenes where people are staring at screens and not at the world around them? Why? In Zberg's case, maybe it's because he has obvious psychological problems, problems with social skills so he is trying to turn the entire world into something like him? (Since he is a narcissist of the highest order, this makes sense).<br />
<br />
I believe the obsession with (mostly portable small "Smart phone") screens is a pathological disease in our society fostered by capitalism in overdrive. <br />
<br />
So let's just call this one a done deal--people now want to communicate/be with their screens, not other people even if communicating with screens costs them money and communication with people is free (or requires no "data plan"). This is a kind of cyber- fascism picked up by not only corporations but by "National (so-called) Public Radio" which is obsessed with screens and communication through screens. (They absolutely love talking about "tweeting" even as it undermines their own jobs).<br />
<br />
So if people want to be with their screens, does this affect communication between humans? I say yes on this one.<br />
<br />
WE'RE ALL JUST TRYING TO PAY OUR BILLS<br />
<br />
Is another reason for the CDD the horrible economy for normal people? We are all just trying to survive so do not have the energy to reach out and touch someone?<br />
Obviously most of our Congress and the President is also suffering from CDD or they would not have cut off people's unemployment insurance right before Christmas. I don't need to say that the super wealthy suffer from CDD and could care less about distributing more of it to the lower ranks. We get it. Again, this is a great time to be a cold-hearted narcissist. FAR GREATER rewards to be this way right now than the alternative. <br />
<br />
LACK OF JUSTICE CAN LEAD TO HOPELESSNESS<br />
<br />
I believe hopelessness shadows us as yet another reason for narcissistic communication per our society letting crooks off the hook over and over and over again. Some of us even try to change things but if we feel there is no justice, we lose hope. When I say crooks, I mean the ones that helped destroy the middle class (the banksters we bailed out in the "recession", none of which have been held accountable for their greed; in fact, they were rewarded for it) to George Zimmerman who performed the opening ceremonies for the apparently now legal practice of gunning down black teenagers, including a black woman who knocked on a door just to get some help with her car. She was met with the end of shotgun. The point is, criminals, large and small, are getting away with murder, figuratively and literally, we apparently have no power, so why give a shit?<br />
<br />
The fall of Rome was marked by the end of compassion...every man for himself...<br />
<br />
So all I ask is if someone that <i>cares about you as a human being</i>, not a screen, reached out to you this week and you blew them off, first evaluate why, then get back with them. If you can't be somewhere, goddamn it, tell them. If you don't have what they want, tell them. You also always have the option to say something kind, ask them how they are and mean it. I know it's crazy but maybe ask them to their FACE (and it's still free!). <br />
<br />
I believe the future of our (current highly dysfunctional) civilization depends on it.<br />
<br />
<br />The Realistic Cynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13927875543029101292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8506853099350845581.post-54476559676964086962013-12-23T19:51:00.002-08:002013-12-24T20:01:49.867-08:00Can Happily Single Women Be Friends With Married Women in Unhappy Marriages? NOHi Everyone,<br />
<br />
It's been a few months. Hope all you incredible women are doing well.<br />
<br />
If I don't post, it's because I have nothing to say or I am ruminating...<br />
<br />
Ruminating is done on THIS one because part of what has risen to the top here is<br />
frustration and perhaps my weakness in accepting people for who they are and YES, I hold women to higher standards then I do men. (Should be obvious if you read my posts; we all have to make sacrifices for men...).<br />
<br />
I am at a point in my life right now where most of my girlfriends are married and not one of them is in a loving, fully functional marriage. As a strong, independent single woman, I cannot TELL you how hard this is. Here they are (with false names to protect the innocent):<br />
<br />
Janet: Married 14 years; third marriage; husband disappears for days at a time. She has no idea where he is. He checks in only sometimes. Basically, they are more like roomates. She gets drunk just about every night when she gets home from work. Kids have flown the coop.<br />
<br />
Tammy: Married 33 years. Only marriage. Husband disappears for days at a time. She has SOME idea where he is but tells me she really does not care. He checks in sporadically. Comes home every few weeks. They play "married couple" for a week until she wants to kill him then he leaves again. She has a nicer life without him. Big house. She has no job. She is completely dependent on him for her life. Kids have flown the coop.<br />
<br />
Shelly: Married 37 years. Husband and her do not get along. He is home all the time, retired, and dawdles around the house while she is out and about. They don't do much together. Fight a lot. She is also completely dependent on him for her survival. Big empty house. Kids have left.<br />
<br />
Monique: Married 42 years. Husband has mistresses. She knows it. She does not care and likes it when he is away. Unlike the others, she runs a very successful small business. She does not need her husband. Why then does she...? <br />
<br />
First of all, aside from Monique, I don't know whether to consider my unhappily married women friends, friends. They only call me when their husbands are gone or when things aren't going well. I can tell when their husbands show up because they drop me like a hot potato. Ignore my calls and emails. It hurts my feelings because I get all chatty and girlfriendy with them, thinking I have a "real" girlfriend but what I am to them in reality is just a diversion from the work, the courage, they need to summon up...I am single in need of a support system so I consider this kind of cruel. Then again, they may not realize they are using other people as diversions...<br />
<br />
Nonetheless, they are not true friends. It is only a convenience when they call me and I answer the phone. Not much else.<br />
<br />
Are unhappily married women jealous of happily single women? Are they afraid we are going to take their man? (Then again, a few might be ok with this, if not ecstatic). DEFINITELY but this is another post.<br />
<br />
This can also be considered a bad combination--a woman like me (us), strong who knows her own mind, runs her own business/has a good job/career, does not put up with B.S., knows what she wants, does not operate by denial + THE OPPOSITE is a combination destined to fail because women like me (us) refuse to enable women LIKE THEM. Their worlds are fragile so the deal is I am supposed to ignore their situation. Make light of the fact that they are prisoners of their own lives. PRETEND, it's just fine and yes, they complain--ALL OF THEM.<br />
I CAN'T DO IT!<br />
<br />
Instead, I say things like "why do you stay in that situation?" "Why don't you get a divorce?" "Why don't you sell your house and get a divorce, split the proceeds from the house and have some money to start over on?" "Why doesn't his sleeping with other women bother you? Oh? You haven't had sex for ten years and you never will again? Sounds lovely."<br />
<br />
How sad to live like this!! Who was it that said--DO THE HARDEST THING? When it comes to changing your life? DO THE HARDEST THING. It will be liberating! Imagine that day! <br />
<br />
The point is, it is none of my damn business how they want to live their lives but I take friendship very seriously. Single women and men need friends and I think, by virtue of being single we are more honest with ourselves and with others and it is WONDERFUL! We are probably far more psychologically healthy than we are given credit for. I want the best for my girlfriends and the best is NOT getting drunk every night to escape your life.<br />
<br />
"Some people are not ready" I have been told in the past. "Some people are not where YOU are." "Some people take a lot of time to face the truth about their lives and change" but I am in my 50's now and my job is NOT to enable unhealthy situations so I refuse to do so. I want healthy friendships with healthy single people and/or happily married people and by damn, I will keep on the look-out because one thing about being a single middle-aged woman is we don't do bullshit (and pity the person, man or woman, that expects us to!).<br />
<br />
What to do? I cannot make them change their lives but I CAN stick up for myself.<br />
Today I told Tammy that I always know when Jeff comes home because she stops all contact with me and it hurts my feelings. She responded that she did not realize she was doing this, she cares about me and our friendship, and she will pay closer attention...<br />
<br />
So in answer to the opening question, I still say no, but we'll see.<br />
<br />
<br />The Realistic Cynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13927875543029101292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8506853099350845581.post-83708131364636012052013-10-02T18:04:00.000-07:002013-10-02T18:04:32.069-07:00New Category of ManIf you scroll down to my older posts, you can see how I have categorized the men I have met online dating and these categories are still pretty accurate. I left out a major major type however--the (usually Baby Boomer) Stoner Philosopher King.<br />
<br />
I know. How in the hell could I leave this one off the list?<br />
<br />
Do I need to explain? Who is this guy? You know and if pot is your deal (get it? ar ar), congratulations because this seems to be one of the most common types of men.<br />
<br />
These are the guys that when you say it's me or your weed? They'll take their weed while they show you the door. (Maybe it's like us and our dogs. DO NOT and I mean DO NOT say anything negative about my dogs. You're GONE sucker).<br />
<br />
AND YES, I too miss the days when pot was defined by a certain type of person--most likely an intellectual. Remember? Remember how we all used to get stoned then sit around and talk about Sartre? Democracy? Nature? Pablo F? When smoking pot was subversive, fun, and something special? Silly? When it did not have THC levels so high, you thought you might have taken acid instead?<br />
<br />
Well, now everyone (it seems; not me anymore) smokes pot and NO it definitely does NOT lead to intellectual discussions anymore. AND the meth freaks have found it...it's like alcohol. It's becoming every wo/man's drug. <br />
<br />
Enter the Baby Boom Aged Pot-Smoking Philosopher King:<br />
<br />
1. He is or thinks he is intellectual.<br />
2. He smokes weed every day, sometimes two or more times a day.<br />
3. He is addicted to it however you want to define it but he needs it daily.<br />
4. He feels he has lots of wisdom to impart to you especially when he is stoned (old-school stoner, somewhat admireable even if a throw-back to the past). This can come off as patronizing, condescending,<br />
irritating. He may be like this stoned or not.<br />
5. When you ask him to stop smoking weed, or smoke less, or blah blah, he ends it. Pot is more important to him than love or he is just in love with his pot.<br />
<br />
I don't even date 'the daily stoner' type anymore. Why bother if it's going to eat away at you and forget changing the dude. He is NOT going to change or tell him if he does, to call you. Please, ladies, tell me, promise me you have given up on changing a man that is in his 50's or older esp. if he smokes weed and has for a long time. Good luck with that!<br />
<br />
Next blog--"I'm older now, may not be as attractive, but I don't want to be alone. Should I just<br />
compromise what I am looking for?"The Realistic Cynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13927875543029101292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8506853099350845581.post-83325251920681668302013-05-11T14:02:00.000-07:002013-05-11T14:17:10.102-07:00On-line Dating--Watch Out for the Guys With Issues!!That's an understatement.<br />
<br />
My girlfriend told me about a guy she was emailing through one of the dating sites and then, as I hear way too often, he turned on her--and revealed his asshole self, all done anonymously.<br />
<br />
My next topic is men are cowards, many of them, and nothing can be colder than making someone feel like they can open up to you then slamming them. This is what happened to Denise. She told me she was corresponding with a guy and he started out nice then ended up psycho. The more of herself she revealed, the more he seemed to draw her out then his last email to her was very cruel.<br />
<br />
I believe on-line dating provides an outlet for mean, hateful, misogynistic men to attack women and I believe they get off on this. They take advantage of a woman, as she opens up, then they plunge the proverbial<br />
knife into the interaction by getting mean. This is all done anonymously which is why this kind of attack defines them as cowards.<br />
<br />
I did tell Denise there is an up-side to all this. Wouldn't you want to know sooner rather than later that a guy is a jerk because, in a way, he is doing you a favor. And DON'T, FOR GOD'S SAKES, make yourself cream of wheat with ANYONE you meet on line!! You're an orange--tough outside and on guard. (I think someone is hungry or thinking about some breakfast). DO NOT, let me say this again, DO NOT open all the way up with a guy right away. I'm sorry but there is a very good chance he is jerk, so hold your emotional cards close to your chest. IF you go out, don't let down your guard until the third date...<br />
<br />
TAKE YOUR TIME. Based on my experience over the years, I believe most of them are jerks. You are looking for the diamond in the rough so go slow, carefully, mindfully...respect yourself first of all.You're not desperate. You're terrific so be picky. You are also fine on your own.<br />
<br />
The other topic Denise talked about was how hard it is sometimes for her to meet up with some of these guys. I have had this happen to me too--in fact more often than not. The little game. They want to meet with you but then something comes up at the last minute. Can they reschedule?<br />
<br />
Here is the rule--you give them ONE rain ticket. You tell them to name the date and time for the next try--CLEARLY--and if they cannot or will not do this FORGET IT. They are f--ing with you and likely players, have a girlfriend, or are married.In other words, they are LIARS.<br />
<br />
So here are your new rules Denise:<br />
<br />
1. Don't get all emotionally attached to anyone you email or talk to that you met on-line. You need THREE DATES first before you make yourself vulnerable. Some sick guys get off on being mean anonymously on-line.<br />
2. If you miss the first attempt to meet, ask HIM to tell you the date and time--be specific--and location--and if he says, "I'll call you or can I get back with you?" FORGET IT. He does not want to meet you---YOU. He is not being sincere. He is playing a game or is a narcissist.<br />
<br />
Remember, you are fine on your own. You're TERRIFIC. Take your time. Find yourself a real good man.<br />
You're worth it, my loves.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />The Realistic Cynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13927875543029101292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8506853099350845581.post-80983341479692748802013-04-04T18:07:00.000-07:002013-04-04T18:25:03.556-07:00Are You Happy Being Middle-Aged and Alone and Just Can't Admit it to Yourself?The real name of this post is "I Wish My Wife Would Let Me Watch That."<br />
<br />
If you are new to this blog, I apologize because it started out as views of being<br />
1. white in America<br />
2. dating other white men in America<br />
<br />
but race does not really matter to me in terms of who I date...except I still adhere to my hypothesis that there is something in the genetics of white people from European stock (WASPS) that makes us obsessive compulsive or compelled to be controlling. I bet if some researcher looked-up the stats of psychological disorders by race, white people would have the highest levels of obsessive-compulsive/control disorders. I then tie this into the history of the Western European white race (past 500 years) and colonialism. In other words, white people's history of taking over "inferior" races, of bulldozing land, of wiping out anything that gets in their way, love of guns and control, etc. Are we just assholes (more the white male I am talking about here) or predisposed to being assholes? If OCD/control issues are genetic in the white race, then this explains SOME of it and by no means provides an excuse but whenever I see some mostly fat white guy on his mower on his lawn, then standing with a backpack sprayer of chemicals on his lawn, then working over the shrubs with lopers and pruning shears on his lawn, I just cannot help but wonder-- WTF? Multiply this behavior by thousands...This fat white guy HAS to control even the plants on this lawn to the point that he dumps poison all over it...<br />
<br />
And on this note is a recent dinner I attended for work made up entirely of white men of different ages. My profession is one dominated by white people and mostly white males. We were coming back from a day in the field and stopped for dinner. All of these men are married. I was, once again, the only one at the table that is not married and once again, out of place. Still, it always entertaining if not enlightening to observe my own species especially a bunch of white males.<br />
<br />
The conversation was fascinating. Guns and hunting. The Bible. Then, television. I got cable television not too long ago when the cable company wore me down by talking me into "bundling"...I caved. I cannot believe it but I was actually able to talk television with these guys. I watch television now. I even came out of the closet about it with them. I kind of ended-up yelling it out--"Yea, I Watch Television Now. Can Ya' Believe it?"<br />
None of them knew how to respond and stared at me. Once I got through this, we talked about our favorite shows and of course, I am a nerd so I love the Big Bang Theory. One of the guys at the table then said,<br />
"I wish my wife would let me watch that." He is a "Christian". You see my point (yes I am finally getting to one).<br />
<br />
TYPE OF MAN REFERENCE (see my reference guide to types of men I have dated in previous post): BABY MEN<br />
<br />
My point is--damn I am so glad I am not married. What a bunch of SHIT! What is it with the couples I know who dictate behavior to their spouses? I cannot begin to list the number of ex-girlfriends I have had who "had to ask their husbands" if we could do something then their husbands, all of which hate my guts, say no. "Albert wants to go," says my friend B when they drive 8 hours to visit me but "King Albert" is "uncomfortable" (because they know I see through their shit) and "wants to leave." Ya know what? If my husband/boyfriend was "uncomfortable" around one of my dear girlfriends, I would tell him to get lost and find something else to do. Really? You're uncomfortable? Well, shove this up your ass (wine bottle) then see how "uncomfortable" you are, you big baby!! What is this?<br />
<br />
I cannot stay friends with any of my girlfriends who have to answer to their weanie ass insecure baby men husbands. BUT, I never thought about it in the other direction--namely, men who are cow-towed by their women-- I never thought about this until the man at the table actually told us and the other men at the table that his wife will not "let" him watch certain television shows. It makes me shudder to think about it. Fascist Marriages. <br />
<br />
I have been in four significant relationships in my life, the longest was five years and NOT once did I tell or even think to tell my partner what he could watch on television (but then again, we didn't have one), how to dress, where to go...(o.k. I did tell a couple of them where to go, right before we broke up) and yes, when "Eric" would go out with his female friend I had to acknowledge it made me feel weird but then again, they had known one another 20 years. Who in the hell was I to diss this kind of relationship? (And they never did anything anyway; she was married).<br />
<br />
So after all this, I wonder if I even WANT to be in a relationship anymore. Could I stand anyone micromanaging my life even down to what I watch on television? Ugh. Never. I think I love being single but I still wonder what it is that makes me breakdown and post yet another profile on another online dating site. What is it? What is it that stands between me in reality (relatively happy) and that nagging voice that says to me, "you have to find someone and soon! You're getting old!" I have noticed a direct correlation between my contentedness and how long I have been single and they are positively correlated! Does the little nagging voice come from society? Television talk shows? Commercials? My friends? Is it none of these because it is coming from me? Is it something evolution-related? So I have someone to take care of me but then again, most men are lazy and the last thing they want to do is take care of you when you get old....you are supposed to take care of THEM when they get old, remember?<br />
<br />
Ah yes, the little nagging voice that reminds me I am still single and "should find someone." Am I just afraid to let it go? Why am I afraid to strangle that little voice? I don't know. Yet.<br />
<br />
<br />The Realistic Cynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13927875543029101292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8506853099350845581.post-17355411139326264602013-03-01T16:30:00.000-08:002013-03-03T18:08:53.226-08:00Revisionist Lives-Double Jeopardy<i>Dedicated to all the women who are in this situation...you will crawl out of it...but we know </i><br />
<i>how you feel...</i><br />
<br />
Married 23 years, divorced, and middle aged. I call this state in life a kind of double jeopardy. So it goes.<br />
<br />
In addition to being newly single, you are now heading into your "golden years" and I don't think any time since being a teenager can be more disconcerting, disquieting, and uncomfortable. What are we supposed to do now? Where is our place in the world now? Do we have one? It is only worse because I feel human relationships are in breakdown mode as compassion gives way to survival and no one wants to be bothered anymore with actually caring about anything, least of all, you. After all, you just got kicked in the...<br />
<br />
Then there are your friends, if you even have any and if you even have any LEFT from your past. They are frittering away as well. Phone calls go un<i>-</i>returned. Letters are stamped "address unknown" even though you swear your friend from college still lives in Seattle. You make a feeble attempt to meet someone you don't particularly like for dinner and when they cancel at the last minute, you are secretly grateful because this means you can stay in bed with the dogs snuggled up against you (used to be a man), watch white-trash television, drink wine, and be perfectly contented. Then the fact that you are in bed at 8 p.m on a Friday night perfectly contented watching white-trash television bothers you...but then it doesn't. Fuck it you say as you turn to a Sex and the City rerun you have watched 32 times and the Cabernet isn't bad for $3.99. Shut up already. You have your health. Ok so you don't have health benefits (guess where THIS is?) and your husband--ex-husband--went parachuting with someone last weekend. Hope the bastard's parachute didn't open. "Oh you hit the ground just when it opened? You're paralyzed? I'm so sorry."<br />
<br />
<br />
These are strange fucking times my friends. Bumper cars. We are like bumper cars, kind of slamming into one another with the perfunctory "sorry" but not really because we don't really give a shit anymore. We are treading water to do what? Die? Are we just killing time until we die? <br />
<br />
Dating. Please. He'll have to knock your holey sock off or knock you out of your self-imposed lobotomy or knock on something because you don't really care anymore. It's all going to shit and it IS all going to shit. There are just too many of us now and we keep coming. We all know it's the end times. So enjoy that 3rd glass of wine and avoid Downton Abbey because they just killed off Matthew. Like I said, end times.The Realistic Cynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13927875543029101292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8506853099350845581.post-52952237693513112792012-11-17T09:32:00.004-08:002012-11-17T09:50:02.090-08:00Is it Me?I ran into a friend recently who looked "different" but I could not figure out how or why. She just looked different--she had lost weight, her hair style had changed but beyond this was a calmness about her I had not seen before. A few weeks before, her husband, who she described as an abusive narcissist and quite accurately from what I knew of him, admitted to her he was having an affair. <br />
<br />
"I knew it," I said to her.<br />
<br />
"What do you mean you knew it?" she replied back.<br />
<br />
"I mean, I knew it intuitively. In other words, I am not surprised. I never liked him. I only wish I could have told you."<br />
<br />
Even though they were now fighting through a nasty divorce, my friend had already shed the stress of being with this man from her BODY. The stress I saw in her when she was with him that she kept in her face and body was GONE. I believe this kind of thing can also make you very sick, as in lead to cancer. While she was angry and hurt, she had never looked better. <br />
<br />
There are so many topics in this but I will try to narrow it down to two: Topic 1 is if your girlfriend is involved with a schmuck, should you say something? Topic 2 is if you are still alone and you are afraid it is you, it is NOT (unless you are passed out on your couch, or someone else's, in your own barf and you do things like this on a regular basis then maybe it is you).<br />
<br />
First Topic 1:<br />
<br />
YES. You should say something. Once, I thought not but I have changed my opinion on this. Let me say too that I am a member of the Sisterhood. The Sisterhood is a pact between all women that no woman scams on another woman's man. It has been hard for me to stick to this pact, to be honest, because I have been in situations where my girlfriend's significant others have hit me up for a date on the side. A few of these men have been very desirable but what I tell them is they need to deal with their marriage FIRST, not look for a diversion. Also, you tell them you will not betray your girlfriend. Absolutely not.<br />
<br />
I also will NOT date a separated man even if he and his wife have been separated for many years. No way. <br />
If you run into the guy a few years later and he is divorced and available, then by all means, it's open season on this dude. Go for it. The rule in this case is DO NO HARM especially to your girlfriend. I don't care how desirable her man is, don't do it until they are legally split up and even then, out of respect for your girlfriend, maybe meet her for coffee and let her know (assuming you are still friends and care about one another).<br />
<br />
It is tough but I have sent men back to their wives and in at least one case, they reconciled and are happier now. So first, if you are going to say something to your girlfriend that her husband is a rat, make clear to her it is not because you are trying to scam on him. Explain the Sisterhood pact. Also, do it out of compassion for your friend, not to hurt her, to score points, or otherwise be a bitch. Do it if you love her as a friend and tell her you are telling her because you love her. <br />
<br />
Ex: "Lois, you know I love you and I hate to tell you this but it is because I love you that I am telling you this. I saw your husband kissing another woman. I cannot lie, as you know, and not telling you felt like a lie.<br />
The rest is up to you but I am here for you as a friend if you need me. I'm sorry."<br />
<br />
Now on to Topic 2--IS IT ME?<br />
<br />
NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT IS NOT YOU, IT IS THEM!!<br />
<br />
I do not think I have ever seen middle-aged men so dysfunctional as I see them now. How do I know they are dysfunctional? Because I know so many terrific single middle-aged women!!! Something is wrong when I know ten+ terrific single women--all funny, smart, attractive, strong (uh oh), comfortable in their own skin, capable, and ALL STILL SINGLE meaning they do not even have a boyfriend.<br />
<br />
What is the matter with men our age these days?<br />
<br />
Men our age have all kinds of shit going on, namely, they are coming to grips with getting older and while I think this empowers women because we have outgrown bullshit, I think men are actually entering a bullshit phase in their lives, and yes, I mean the mid-life crisis but there is truth to this. While women are getting more focused on the outer world, men are getting more focused on themselves--their hair, their paunch, their bodies, their teeth, their horoscopes....they are entering a narcissistic phase while I think women are moving out of theirs. Ironically, their narcissistic phase drives away the very women they want to attract--terrific women like you!<br />
<br />
I think it is nearly impossible to find a man our age (50's) who is not going through something...thereby making him unavailable or undesirable to those of us who are just getting more wonderful every single day.<br />
I believe middle aged men and women, particularly in their 50's are simply moving in opposite directions in their lives.<br />
<br />
Who doesn't know the 54 year old guy with the 35 year old wife and now they have a kid? I personally think it is pathetic but again, men our age are in different places than we are and until they evolve or grow up or look around or find the balls to face a truly self-confident woman, they are going to act out their insecurities.<br />
I have not met a real man in a long long time and I do wish men would get off their damn computers and walk up and start asking women out again! But wishing is not doing. <br />
<br />
SO NO. IT ISN'T YOU!!!! Unfortunately, these are just the times we live in. You already know the alternatives--change your age preference to someone younger or older and this requires all kinds of concessions that take energy, both physical and mental.<br />
<br />
Or be contented on your own. Buy your vibrators and sex toys. (They really are superior sometimes to what a man can do as well; really, though I realize we miss the physical contact). Find an author whose books you love. Do music either as in listening to it or playing it. Get regular exercise. Go into nature with a book of poems or write your own. Love your pets if you have them. Foster a support system of healthy people (i.e. people who have been in therapy or are in therapy are the healthiest people in my opinion because they are aware that they are always in process and they are striving to stay in touch with this spiritual transformation which it is and should be if it is effective therapy). Most importantly, do not settle for a man just to have one.<br />
When a red light goes off in your head about a man, PAY ATTENTION TO IT. Kindly get up from the table and LEAVE. You are getting better and better with every day and so your standards should rise, not lower!<br />
<br />
Enjoy the peaceful contentedness of this time in our lives and if he shows up, terrific. If he doesn't, then<br />
realize my dear beautiful middle-aged woman friend, it is not you.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />The Realistic Cynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13927875543029101292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8506853099350845581.post-82444826312118632522012-11-09T14:48:00.001-08:002012-11-09T14:55:59.478-08:00A New Category of Single MenIf you go to my older posts, you will see the categories I have been able to stick my dates into.<br />
<br />
Well, based on a recent date, I now have yet another category. It is:<br />
<br />
The Guy Who Never Went to College But Still Wishes He Did While You DID Go To College And He Seems to Resent You For it.<br />
<br />
I will refine this at some point but let me tell you about my latest date. I met him online and of course, all the standard deceptions applied because things went swimmingly via email and talking to him on the phone. I think we both thought we were compatible but as I have said before, chemistry MUST COME FIRST!!<br />
<br />
Still, I detected the tiniest bit of hope in myself. Shame on me. Fool me once, well, fool me again...<br />
(how did George put it?).<br />
<br />
He had all his teeth. He had his original hair. He was attractive. He was well dressed for the area. He also attempted to be a gentleman which I greatly appreciated. He owns a junkyard. Since I am someone who respects small businesses and understands the strong desire to stay out of office buildings and cubicles (and I also believe strongly in "reuse and recycle"), I had no problem with this. He had run the junk business for quite a few years and sounded reasonably professional and competent with it. Plus, he was making a lot of money. Never hurts. <br />
<br />
We also seemed to hit it off in conversation and since I am a highly analytical intellectual woman (who loves talking politics--something the more popular online dating sites say women just do not like to do which is bunch of crap), again, I felt the small wings of hope alighting upon my skeptical brow.<br />
<br />
Then it all went to shit.<br />
<br />
He observed, as many people do, that I seem exceedingly intelligent and then proceeded to talk at length about how he always wanted to go to college and he tried but then for some reason, he just did not continue. There were all kinds of reasons why he did not continue--his mother, his income, his brother...I cannot even remember them all. All I remember is I did not bring up his lack of college education, HE DID. Then he would not shut up about it. "Ok," I said inside my head, "this guy is insecure about the fact that not only did I go to college, I have an advanced degree." (And I worked my ass off for it by the way).<br />
<br />
It then got worse as he went from praising my intelligence to "testing me". Yes, he started testing me with questions regarding my I.Q., history, politics...and he was not doing it out of fun. He was doing it to "catch me" saying something wrong so he could feel better. And he would not stop. The more he tested me, the angrier he got. Finally, he pissed me off and despite a nice dinner and a pleasant walk afterwards, I looked at all the red flags waving in my brain and made it back to my car where I shook his hand and bid him adieu. By the end of the date, I could not get away from him fast enough. <br />
<br />
I had met this type before, thus the new category. All I can say is if you meet a man who cannot get over that you went to college and he did not, do not waste your time. It has nothing to do with you. It has 100% to do with him and you will never be able to overcome this incredible insecurity FOR HIM. He will have to do it. So pack up your books and college degree and get the hell out of there. You're educated, remember?<br />
<br />
<br />The Realistic Cynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13927875543029101292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8506853099350845581.post-11620790451902696832012-07-07T10:21:00.002-07:002012-07-08T13:58:04.072-07:00"I Got Another One" or Happy Independence DayI think we have established that people from the Baby Boomer generation are
arrogant and smug in their own comfortableness and you can never get through to narcissists anyway so give up.
I recently did an inventory of people I feel shitty around and they were all Baby Boomers and while generous in their own way, it is only to glorify themselves.
"We'll show you our photos of France when we get back" (insert, "you poor sucker" in here). Of course, I was overjoyed and will wait quietly in the dark for their return.
Anyway, the point is, if you have people in your lives that make you feel crappy,
drop them. In my case, they are all Baby Boomers who could care less when I hit hard times and then it is fun watching them get terrified I am going to hit them up for money. I would not because this would give them tremendous satisfaction and give them a reason to be even more patronizing and condescending.
I am writing about a recent party I went to. It was a pool party. Baby Boomers.
Very well off. Here we go.<br />
<br />
I recently attended a 4th pool party. It was fun but of course, I turned the whole experience into a sociological-ethnographical-anthroplogical-psychological study.
I looked at the pool and it was full of couples. Many of these people are on their
third or fourth marriage. All were older than me by at least ten years. Silver-haired, all of them. Generally nice people. Financially comfortable. They were like old chickens, there in the pool. Cackling away about
their last trip to Italy, their new motorcycle, their vacation homes
they decided to walk away from; oblivious, self-absorbed, and thoroughly
entertaining.
I got into a conversation with a few of the women. It was amusing listening to one of them talk about how after her third husband died, "I got another one. Him, over there," she said pointing at an attractive white haired man on the other end of the pool. It was as if she was talking about a car. "I got another one. After the Audi, I just decided to get a Toyota and that's him, standing at the other end of the pool." The other women nodded. I could not help but laugh.
So goes love. We are different people every day but we are different people throughout life. Where once we were in love, as we get older, having another person becomes, for some, just sheer acquisition.
Maybe this is why some people do better with the online dating than I do. They just
want "another one" while I am still stupidly looking for "the" one.
I don't currently have "one" and as I get older and more content in my single-ness, I don't want "one" and maybe it is time for me to let go of trying to find THE one. (Actually, I did, but he died (see older posts). My heart shut down. But this was also a long time ago).
Aside from the very bored "kids" of the couples there, I was the only single person at the entire party and for this, I was extremely grateful. What was it about looking at all those couples that made me feel as if I could suffocate at any minute? I left and returned home where I had a glass of wine and walked my dogs down a quiet road, all of us perfectly contented and myself, very relieved; grateful for my independence.The Realistic Cynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13927875543029101292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8506853099350845581.post-9240654536720702092011-10-16T14:17:00.000-07:002011-10-16T15:42:37.632-07:00Online Dating: addtional views frm a middleaged white woman: OCCUPY A BABY BOOMER!!!!NEWS FLASH NEWS FLASH!!!!!!! The end of the era of narcissism is coming to an end, THANK GOD!! OCCUPY A BABY BOOMER!!!<br /><br />I know, you were hoping for a post about middle aged white women dating and I did this already. See previous posts. Nothing's changed. Sorry.<br /><br />This post takes possibly too brutal of a look at the baby boomer generation but after years of observations, I cannot help but make a few on this generation.<br /><br />BUT FIRST--my friend.<br /><br />I have a friend who I will call Mary who I have been friends with for a few years now. There is a ten year different between Mary and I. Mary is a baby boomer while I am barely NOT. It has been fascinating to watch Mary go through what I can only call extremely painful cultural change because Mary is from the Baby Boomer Generation (now officially named with capital letters). In my opinion, only, but based on at least on anecdotal evidence, people from the Baby Boomer generation are the most self-absorbed, selfish, and materialistic humans the planet has ever seen. Science does back me up on this one since it has been shown that no generation in the history of the planet has consumed the vast resources that this ONE generation of humans has. In the HISTORY OF THE PLANET!! Despite all their "love and peace" crap, in the end, the love and peace they were "protesting" for was their own!! How could the hippie generation possibly then give us George Bush Jr and the Hummer? Do I really need to say more to prove this point? For a great generic example of the typical Baby Boomer, check out the television show "Community" and the character that Chevy Chase plays--a narcissistic pathetic self-absorbed loser named "Pierce." I don't know if they created this character to be the epitome of the Baby Boomer generation but in my experience, he is, in fact, the epitome of the entire generation and I have had the dubious opportunity of watching a Baby Boomer LIKE this try to shake it off and it ain't pretty! <br /><br />Back to my friend "Mary." Mary was your classic hippie in the 60's. Of course, photos of themselves are up all over their house (of course) showing them in their bell bottoms (no offense to bell bottoms; they're cool) and peasant blouses, attending concerts (you know which ones), hanging out at Haight and Ashbury, blah blah and blah. All the photos you would expect self-absorbed Baby Boomers to have up in their geodesic dome house (no kidding but it is a cool house). Their entire lives have been about one and only one thing--STUFF. Really nice fucking stuff. Stuff in their house. Stuff in their garage. Stuff in their attic. Stuff in their storage shed in the yard. STUFF STUFF STUFF. This has been the focus of their entire lives. CONSUMPTION whenever they want to for whatever reason they want it. No questions asked. One sibling of theirs, also a Baby Boomer, has a thing for hiking boots apparently and once ordered five different pairs and when he did not like them, he took them all, still practically brand new, to the DUMP. Yes, he threw them away. So these are the kind of folks we are talking about. People so self-absorbed and obsessed with gratification, they would throw perfectly good new things away. The thought of taking them to a thrift store or god forbid, a homeless shelter, never ever enters their minds. They are not capable of comprehending that there are OTHER people in the world, let alone people in need. They lack empathy. This is why they are dangerous and scary. Then they enter politics and this is terrifying but I diverge...<br /><br />So, back to Mary. Mary and I love to walk and hike together but after that, we treat one another like we are from different planets. Aside from the fact that Mary and I like to do the same things outdoors, I have little idea why we are friends. We are very different. I am from the "ecology" era of the 70's. Years ago, Mary used to chuckle about my recycling nearly everything. She would smirk at my washed plastic bags. When I would tell her something about the planet--one of the many planet's illnesses due to us, she would tell me I was just "being negative." The other thing the Baby Boomer generation did is codify their narcissism through something they call(ed) the "New Age Movement" which is basically anti-intellectual and anti-critical thinking. If anyone dares to have a REAL conversation or engage in something intellectual, they immediately shame the shit out of you that you are being "negative." They are apparently too stupid to realize that intellectual conversation is not the same thing as "being negative" but their little worlds are so fragile that they have shove anyone and anything out of their worlds that might be real--pathologically so. <br /><br />So of course, when I would try to talk to Mary about the plight of our beat up planet, I was "just being negative." When I would talk about uncontrollable corporate power and our Supreme Court, I was "just being negative." When I would have the audacity to suggest she call her legislator or our county council members or do ANYthing for ANYone besides herself and her husband, I could see her eyes almost roll back into her head and she went into, almost, some kind of convulsion. The idea that she would spend ANY time on the poor, democracy, the environment (that she loves so much) was so beyond her frame of reference, I once thought she was going to have some kind of seizure. And of course, everything I said was amusing. Simply amusing. It was tough for me to handle.<br /><br />So, they had lots and lots of money. Lots and lots of material crap. On and one they lived (?) their lives until one day, I don't know, let's say about 2008, the shit hit the fan as we all know and it has kept hitting the fan ever since. They went from the 1% to the 99% without even realizing it and I am now getting to watch them coming to grips with this as they realize, all the things I have been saying for years are NOW COMING TRUE. Cultural paroxysms!! I am now watching my friend Mary going through them. It is fascinating. Once oblivious to the news, any news, because she was her own news, she is now picking up little tidbits of information--things like Occupy Wall Street, 99%er's, getting screwed over by unbridled corporate power (which happened to them), air quality where we live which can be bad and keeps her indoors...in other words, I am watching the exoskeleton of narcissism on my Baby Boomer friends, start to crack. Yes, it is cracking. And it is painful for my friends because they can no longer run out and BUY something. They don't have the money anymore. This has left them almost incapacitated for they knew no other way to to be an American. America is about one and only one thing by the way--materialism. It is not about "democracy" and "liberty" and "freedom" only in the sense that you can make a democratic choice with liberty and freedom what crap you buy at Walmart. There is freedom here. Other than that, we don't stand for much. <br /><br />So you can imagine how narcissistic new age materialistic baby boomers are coping these days surrounded by a younger generation that is pissed off and gets it. The younger generation is not about accumulating massive amounts of crap. The younger generation has the audacity to bring up GLOBAL issues--one village stuff. Things like climate change, population growth, compassion for others, the poor (GAG. NOT THE POOR!! Do those people EVER go away?). The Baby Boomer generation is now surrounded by people DIFFERENT from them when they were so used to be "special" and the "role models" for the rest of us and now we are leaving them behind. Like the grown babies they are, they cannot take it. They are lost. They are confused.<br />They hunker down in front of their big flat-screen television sets with their boxed wine and watch porno taking breaks to check on their stock portfolios or what is left of them. This is what they do now. This is who they are. In the end, all the Baby Boomer generation did was consume the hell out of our planet and left the rest of us to clean it up. They ended up being weak and selfish except maybe one, or two, or three...One of them, my friend Mary, is slowly but definitely "getting it." <br /><br />I have been eating whole wheat bread since I was 12 when I came home and told my parents about a disgusting chemistry experiment in which we took white bread, rolled it up into little balls, then dropped them into test tubes and even after one week, the HCL we added to the test tube (simulating the acid in a human stomach) could not penetrate the "bread" balls. This so grossed out my parents that we switched over to wheat bread immediately. Also, my mother was an amazing woman who in addition to raising three kids and working fulltime, regularly made whole wheat bread from scratch (and no, bread makers did not exist then). Anyhoo, Mary just discovered whole wheat bread. She is completely enamored with it but of course, assumes she is the first and only person to discover the benefits of whole wheat bread. She has been telling me about all the different kinds. Since I figured this out over 35 years ago, I just listen, incredulous. She is reading the news now or at least listening to NPR which is something. She is supporting the 99%er's on Wall Street and around the world. She told me she is concerned about climate change. She is taking her own bags to the grocery store. And how damn ironic. How damn ironic that all the things we THOUGHT the hippies stood for then, my generation and younger are having to TEACH them these things when they were supposed to be teaching US. It's bullshit but...<br /><br />So while Mary's pathetic husband stays home and watches porno everyday with his t.v. and wine and computer, Mary is quietly but painfully breaking out. Breaking out of the curse of her generation. Breaking out of her shitty marriage, and hopefully breaking into a vision of our planet that is about something more than herself. We'll see. The jury is still out. I am right now 'occupying a Baby Boomer'. I'll let you know how it goes. Go find one to occupy. Stay tuned.The Realistic Cynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13927875543029101292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8506853099350845581.post-46474807935307651392010-11-28T16:23:00.002-08:002011-01-04T17:00:41.974-08:00Types of White Men I Have Met Online DatingOk. So what does making vast general inferences about the entire white race have to do with my experiences online dating white men? Well, it means I cannot entirely blame them for who they seem to be. There is a societal element to everything anyway. Or, as I said in the previous post, whites are just uptight anyway. To see my point, check out Dave Chapelle's show sometime when he parodies the white male or even worse, the white male yuppie and he is right on. These are the guys I have been meeting. What's wrong with these people?<br /><br />So, continuing down my supremely simplistic history of the white race, at least in America, since the white race then dominated the culture for, I will say, around 500 years, this is the culture all the other cultures are expected to emulate and in most cases, by force. (Read Overthrow by Kinzer and you will understand the history of why this is true and for Native American history, oh my God...). Only now, we are at a point in history where other races and cultures are saying, "hey man, I don't want to emulate the whites. We have our own culture. Why should we fold in with yours anyway not to mention it's really f-ing boring and your culture is killing the planet?" So now there is a backlash forming against white culture and "ye old paradigms" but for the most part, whites are still in charge and while they are in charge, 'taint gonna be any paradigm crashes around here! But the cataclysms (figuratively speaking only I hope) are forming. Something better has to replace what is going on anyway or the entire human race will go extinct. Not that I necessarily think this is a bad thing. The planet would not mind. <br /><br />Ok Ok. So what in the hell does this have to do with my online dating experiences as a white middle-aged woman? Compassion. I try to have compassion for these men based on that it may not all be their fault but it's really hard to do. <br /><br />On to the categorization of white men I have dated and see how we are? I am categorizing them. Can't help it. It's in my genes.<br /><br />Here are my tentative categories of men I have met online, all white. Also be advised that these can intergrade with one another.<br /><br />1. AWWD Men: Any Woman Will Do Men<br /><br />These are men who just cannot be alone. They have to have a woman all the time.<br />Almost all the men I have met who are AWWD have been married 2 times or more. If you meet a man that has been married at least 3 times and is looking for a 4th, he may be a AWWD man. Another term used to describe them is "serial monogamist." The honest to God truth is AWWD men could not give a shit about you--how "unique" you are, your interests, your desires, etc. They go on looks a lot of the time and as long as they have a girlfriend, they really don't care what she is about. In fact, their ideal woman is the one that doesn't talk. If you are with a AWWD man, you find yourself very lonely even when you are with him.<br /><br />Yes, AWWD men CAN in time develop an interest in you but it may be just to facilitate their own self-interest. They 'contaminate' everything they touch with their own self-interest. So, let's say you love to read and jog. They will disdain your love of reading or ignore it but if they jog, will definitely join you. You see, if facilitates their own SELFish interests. Theoretically at least, all people can come around over time but don't expect him to be deeply interested in you, ever.<br /><br />2. Men That Just Want to Date Themselves <br /><br />These appear to be the most common type of men I have dated. I am not kidding either. They are really looking for a woman who is exactly like they are. (Yes AWWD men can be this category too). These men are pretty easy to spot. True stories: the guy I dated whose dream it was to find a woman to play golf with him. All I said to him is "I used to play some golf" and immediately he launched into a fantasy about how he had "finally" found a woman to play golf with and where we would go, etc. It was all fine and dandy except I did not want to do this. It did not matter. He thought he finally found himself to date. Other examples are the guy that fixes up old cars and wants to find a woman who will help him fix up old cars. The guy that fishes and wants to find the woman who will love fishing as much as he does. The guy that is into Chinese art and is looking for the woman to pursue this interest with him. You get the picture (or painting). The point is these men will not be interested in you. They will be interested only in that you will evolve into little female renditions of themselves. These men are also the kind that don't understand why they are still alone. <br /><br />3. "I Have a Fantasy Girl in My Head I am Already in Love With. Please Be This Girl?"<br /><br />Again, this can be the above category. The girl in their head they are in love with, is the female rendition of themselves. But there are also the men who have an idea of the woman they want and have already fallen for her. I cannot blame these men because online dating lends itself to the "checklist" mentality anyway. The entire process is a checklist of things you do want and don't want, like you are ordering an item from a catalog! It's the same thing only with human beings. So you cannot blame men and women for approaching a new potential partner by checking off the list in their heads as they meet you. I know this is true because one man I met said to me "you're almost what I want." ALMOST?? God. Was it my hair? My teeth? My eyes? My ass? Ridiculous. Nonetheless, online dating is a checklist and your potential partner will no doubt be quietly going down his list when he meets you. Product love. You are a product. He is a product. Let the two products meet, evaluate one another, and make new products. Crazy. <br /><br />Because of my physical characteristics, even at my age, I get past the initial checklist quickly. I am blonde (or trying to be as the gray comes in), blue eyed, somewhat petite; so right off the bat, I can tell these men have filled in their checklist for me regarding my appearance. I really liked the guy I met who told me he "usually prefers brunettes but thought he would give a blonde (me) a shot." A shot? Again, what am I, a different color hat? <br /><br />I do not waste my time on these men. One of two things happens: they will try like crazy to cram you into their script they have already written for you or decide to "make concessions" while still looking for their "perfect" woman. This means while he is dating you, he is still emailing other women online in his incessant and sad quest to find his perfect/fantasy women that does not exist. <br /><br />4. Narcissists<br /><br />For God sakes. This is our entire culture. Our whole economic system is built on<br />promoting narcissism. It fuels capitalism. So this is where "societal pressure" comes in big time-- you give the monkey access to the toys and he will play with them and after all, we are still unevolved monkeys. Still operating off the brain stem=primitive brain. So I cannot totally blame narcissistic men for being this way. Nonetheless. if you meet what appears to be a pathological narcissist, run. Run far far away and quickly. There is even a name for when it gets really bad--Narcissistic Personality Disorder. In short, these men are in love with themselves even beyond men looking to date themselves. Your job is to worship them and prop their lame asses up at your expense. These men will leach you to the bone if you let them. They may also be passive aggressive and screw with your head a lot. There is no hope here. Just get away.<br /><br />5. Men That Haven't Got a Clue<br /><br />This follows narcissistic men for a reason. N.M. and MTHGaC can be the same thing.<br />But there is also definitely the men that just do not get it about women and maybe they never will. I haven't totally figured these guys out. Do they have early Alzheimers? Are they just dumb? Lazy? Are they just not that into me? These are the men you tell something to over and over and they still do not get it. In fact, you could rent the blimp with the words on the side of it and fly it right in front of them and you're lucky if they even notice THE BLIMP!! <br />Examples: <br />Nitwit: where have you been?<br />Woman: I went out of town for work, remember? I told you? Maybe more than once?<br />Nitwit: Oh. You're back now?<br />Woman: Yes. (Gosh, he's a real rocket scientist!)<br />Uhm....<br />Nitwit: Well, where did you go?<br />Woman" San Francisco? Remember, I told you?<br />Nitwit: Oh. Yea. Well...Did you have a good time?<br />Woman: A good time? It was work. I guess I had a good time but I was there to work. <br />Nitwit: Oh. Did the work go alright?<br />Smart Woman: You know what? I have to go now. BYE!<br /><br />Or the guy who I dated for awhile who walked through my garage a few times where he went past my skis, all kinds of them. When I told him I was going skiing, he acted surprised. HELLO? ANYONE IN THERE? The guy that after my telling him I really love a coffee mug he is using because it was from a good friend then takes it outside and into his car. We are taking a day trip. It is our first date. He acts surprised when I ask him to please not take my favorite coffee mug into his car because I do not want it to get broken, etc. I ask him to please put it back into the house. He has no interest at all in why I like the coffee mug or who the friend is. <br />TOO MANY MORE EXAMPLES!!! MUST STOP HERE!<br /><br />6. Baby Men<br /><br />These are men looking for a woman to take care of them--clean, fix dinner, pick out their clothes. Basically Baby Men want their mommies. Examples of my experience with Baby Men are they whine. Like the guy I went skiing with. I wanted to go ahead to the lodge and go to the bathroom but he almost screamed, "I don't know where to go. I don't know where to go. Wait for me." Jesus Christ. Grow the fuck up dude. I am just going to the bathroom and if you look to your right, there is a big big building that says SKI LODGE on it. You can find it. Baby Men are the MOST annoying for me. They have to be everywhere you are. They have little concept of personal space and they cannot make decisions. They also cannot fix anything or suddenly you find yourself fixing something they started. I have no respect for Baby Men. None.<br />They disgust me. Then again, I want what I will never find--a real man who does not<br />recognize gender-defined roles and can make me dinner while I clean the garage or vice versa. We just work together and gender has little to do with it. <br /><br />7. Day Planner Men<br /><br />I probably do not need to expound on this type too much. Basically, he is incredibly busy either with his business or job (his REAL girlfriend is his job and you are the other woman). To even plan to go to a movie with this guy is ridiculous. He may have 4 kids from 2 different wives. One of his ex wives is calling him or his kids or his employees...and you are often relegated to waiting around while he checks his email. He has to schedule you in to do just about anything. These men do not understand that in order to have a fulfilling relationship, you have to make SACRIFICES in your life, including your time. So they hope they can slip you in between racket ball and their son's soccer match but they can't because it is impossible. I won't date Day Planner Guys unless they get it--I am a terrific woman and if you want to see me, make the time and don't make me feel like shit either because you did.<br /><br />8. Rats/Players<br /><br />Do I really need to elaborate on rats? They see other women while they are seeing you and lie about it or they don't lie about it but then act shocked or even humiliate you when you say you can't handle it. <br /><br />Love?<br /><br />I did fall in love once with a wonderful man but we did not meet online. We met one another at a botanical garden. He had no agenda. No script for me. No role for me to play. He was funny and when we met, he made me laugh. It was simple. It was fun. I could be myself as could he. We were just two human beings. Not a checklist of characteristics. Online dating cheapens these experiences. Men need to ask women out like in the old days. Men need to look around at the women in their lives and get off the computer. I still remember sitting next to a very appealing man at bar in the Bay area and what did we talk about? Online dating. We laughed about it. Joked about some of the people we met. Then after a few minutes when I could not get my courage up to give him my phone number, he turned to me, laughing, to tell me he was going home to check his online dating site. There I was. A perfectly fine woman...and he was going home to check his computer. This is sad. <br /><br />Have I found a man in 5 years of online dating? No. I still think the way we should meet our partners is through, God forbid, chemistry. This is the sure fire way and the way our ancestors met as well. Chemistry, pheromones, circumstance, and timing. This has not changed and online dating will never replace this. We need to bring back the Saturday night dances...and we need to summon up our courage. Not hide behind a trend that has turned the pleasures of love into a commodity only to leave the vast majority of us, still alone.The Realistic Cynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13927875543029101292noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8506853099350845581.post-3434098691279795392010-11-28T16:23:00.001-08:002010-11-28T16:23:26.770-08:00OverviewI have been using "online dating" sites for a few years often with a feeling of self-loathing every time I sign up for yet another one. I think the self-loathing is because it has not worked for me and it feels like putting another quarter in the slot machine when I have already lost some money. "God. Here I go again."<br /><br />First of all, there is something wrong with the white race in general. It hit me when I visited a small town in Oregon, overwhelmingly white, and every where I looked, the residents were out in their yards doing something to their yards. Doing something not IN their yards but TO their yards. Some of them had on pesticide backpack sprayers and they were napalming their own property with chemicals. Others were mowing, either hand mowing or on riding mowers. Others were raking up leaf clippings and shoving them into plastic bags. There were those pulling weeds, on their hands and knees, watering, loping, trimming, hedging...I drove down the streets of this town thinking to myself, as if visiting from another planet, "what is the matter with these people?" Since I am a white woman who grew up in a giant subdivision in the the Midwest, I am familiar with this behavior as I watched my parents engage in it in regularly and my brother now obsessively carries on with the tradition. It was then and there I realized the entire white race seems to suffer from obsessive compulsive disorder or at best, the white race is comprised of a bunch of control freaks.<br /><br />History bares this out easily. We had to control the Indians when we first got here and most wars are over some kind of control. We had to control one another (religion, starting with the Puritans), we had to control what wildlife lived and died, we had control where plants could and could not grow and what kind could be grown (agriculture or what is going on now, called "fuels thinning" or even more heinous, "cleaning" as if natural habitats are somehow dirty), we had to control other races, often in our best interest, our housing developments are obsessively planned down to where the dishwasher will go, we have invented all kinds of products to control things: "germs", bugs, mold, mildew, etc. The honest to God truth is, I seriously doubt terrorism will ever get a hold here because it is still the white race doing most of the surveillance and since the white race is obsessed with controlling every little thing in its environment, it will no doubt do very very well monitoring for terrorism, not withstanding political interference and callous idiocy, such as that we had during the GW Bush years. (They were control freaks too and of the most lethal kind).<br /><br />I put forth that there is something wrong with the white race, possibly genetically or ancestrally, that predisposes the white race to want to control absolutely everything in their environment. I would even go so far as to say a large percentage of the white race suffers from some genetic form or predisposition of obsessive-compulsive disorder.<br /><br />In general, it appears the white race has also become very boring and lacks imagination and creativity. If you are going to meet someone with little to no personality, I would guess this would be a white person. This person may have his garage organized beautifully including alphabetizing the soda pop in the garage refrigerator, his towels perfectly folded, no weeds in his yard, a well-organized CD collection (alphabetized of course), the lawn is perfect, and<br />everything is color coordinated. Our perfect white person also works for a large corporation or the government but when you talk to him, he is nearly completely devoid of a personality or if he even has one, he is boring, humorless, and lacks imagination. Nonetheless, he is considered a good citizen.<br /><br />And this leads me to the point of this blog--after dating lots of white men, I have come to the conclusion that there is something wrong with the white male race. I will expound on this in the next blog. Stay tuned.The Realistic Cynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13927875543029101292noreply@blogger.com0