Monday, December 15, 2014

All My Friends Are Crazy

I love my friends. I hate my friends. My friends are all bundles of psychological disorders, the penalty for living this long.

Too many Sex and the City reruns. Show should be banned.

The result was I had this idea all my girlfriends and I would spend Christmas together, go out to dinner, go for a hike, drink champagne by the ocean, act self-righteous and judgmental about everyone else we know and don't know. Feel fabulous.

Where are the days when you would ask someone if they want to do something
and they would reply, "ok, sounds like FUN!!"

Where in the fuck are those days?

Again, take Sex and the City off the air. Burn your video collection.

Let's parse this out:

Three replied and I am not allowed to use anyone's real name and they all hate me because of this blog anyway which is stupid since I do not use their real names.

Let's just say their names are Charlotte, Miranda, and Samantha. Yea, yea, so this makes me Carrie.  Let's compare and contrast:

S&theCity response:  "Sure, we would LOVE to go to the coast for Christmas, go hiking, and go out to dinner! Sounds fun!"

REAL WORLD

MyLife's "Miranda":  "Sure, I guess. I mean, it sounds kind of fun but, I don't know. Let me see how I'm feeling that day."

MyLife:  "That day? You mean Christmas Eve Day?"

MyLife's Miranda: "Yea, no. I mean, I don't know. I might want to spend Christmas like that but, I don't know. I'm kind of feeling depressed. Maybe. Can I let you know?"

MyLife: "It's just a few days away. I need to make dinner reservations for Christmas Eve. How long do you want me to wait?"

MyLife'sMiranda: "Don't wait. Go without me. I mean, I may go."

MyLife: "The whole point is I don't really have a lot of family left and I really don't want to be alone; I mean, I get depressed too? I also need to make reservations?"

MyLife'sMiranda:  "If I don't go, you feel free to go without me. This is all I'm saying."

******************

MyLife's "Samantha":  "I'l get back to you."

******************
MyLife's Charlotte:  "Yes but do you know if it's going to be cold or rainy? What's the weather going to be? I may not want to go if it's rainy. Also, do you know, like where we will eat because I am trying to be gluten-free? Do they serve gluten-free? I also think I have an allergy to peanuts but I can't see the doctor for awhile. Are you going to bring your dogs because I like your dogs but....etc., etc."

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Christmas Eve night: S&theCity:  the four women walk arm and arm as the snow lightly lands on their delicate yet feminine eye-lashes. They are all dressed more than appropriately if not colorfully. They are slightly buzzed from drinking champagne over Christmas Eve dinner overlooking Central Park. They exchanged gifts, small, thoughtful little things, and now tuck into one another--one love-filled unit, moving, no gliding, through the perfect winter night, dear friends,
fabulous women.

*******************************

MyLife's CEve:

"And how many are dining tonite ma'am? You probably should have made a
reservation."

"One."

"One? On Christmas Eve night?"

"You heard me (asshole)."

"Oh, well for ONE, we have plenty of room. Do you mind sitting in the bar?"

                                                                          
                                                              Merry Christmas.